The Fluffington Post

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Dog Counts Down the Seconds Until Cleanse Is Over

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Ganymede, a pug from Long Island, New York, is nearly done with a seventy-two hour juice cleanse and he can’t wait. Sources close to the situation confirm to The Fluffington Post that the puppy has procured a decadent cupcake to celebrate the conclusion of the dietary ordeal.

“It’s been awful, I think, for him,” said close friend Stanley Ruggieri. “I mean, the whole thing was his idea in the first place, but he seriously complained the entire time.”

According to Ruggieri the pup was trying to lose a last bit of “holiday weight” that he’d put over over Christmas.

“I think going hog wild on sweets the second the cleanse is over probably defeats the purpose,” said Ruggieri. “But that’s Ganymede for you. No impulse control.”

Via nabob1670.

Local Cat Gets ‘Catfished’ on Tinder

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Local Cat Gets ‘Catfished’ on Tinder

Lucy hasn’t had much dating luck since her messy divorce in 2013.

“I thought it was time for her to get back out there,” says Fran Kiebler, a close friend of the cat. “I encouraged her to try Tinder. What’s the worst that could go wrong?”

The mobile dating app lets singles quickly swipe through profiles and notifies users when there’s mutual interest.

“She connected with a really handsome kitty named Bruce,” says Kiebler. “He seemed so legit – a good job in digital ad sales, a cute little bio about his mom. They even shared an interest in kayaking.”

Turns out it was just a stock photo of a cat model. The actual user was a wide-eyed mantelpiece named Arnie.

“They still went out, which I thought was kind of weird,” says Kiebler. “But, they seemed to hit it off, despite that their entire relationship is based on a lie.”

Submitted by _______.

Spring Is Imminent According to Puppy Report

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Spring Is Imminent According to Puppy Report

A meeting of the International Canine Committee on Climate (ICCC) has released its latest scent survey and the outlook is promising.

“The report gathers the scent trails of puppies in 10 different climate zones on five continents, and the findings are pretty conclusive,” says Robert Murango, a spokesperson for the organization. “Spring is coming.”

The 237 page document gathers smell data on pollen, leaves, roots and bird activity, all meticulously logged by the puppy volunteers and analyzed by experts back at the ICCC.

“I mean, it would probably be easier to just look at the calendar, but we like to be as comprehensive as possible,” says Murango. “Plus, the puppies are really cute.”

Oky, submitted by Etienne Kiefer.