The Fluffington Post

Your #1 source for FLUFFY ANIMALS.

Area Dog Due in Court Over Illegal River Dam

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A court date has been set for local pup named Snickers accused of illegally damming a river at Baxter State Park. According to the court filing, hikers came across Snickers building the dam on the morning of July 2 and immediately called park rangers.

“The park sits in a valley and we take flooding very seriously,” said park ranger Josiah Wembley, who responded to the call. “River management needs to be left to the professionals. Plus, you know, take only memories, leave only footprints, uh, paw prints.”

Representatives for Snickers called the charges absurd and vowed to fight them in court.

“I think we’ll get this case thrown out,” said Molly Parker, a lawyer representing the dog from the law firm of Cass, Cass, Cass, and Leibowitz. “Was Snickers swimming without a lifeguard present? Yes. Sure. We concede that. But that’s a misdemeanor at most.”

Via Alana Lucas.

Cat Reconsidering New Year’s Resolution to “Do One Pull Up”

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Though we are less than two weeks into 2023, an area cat named Artemis is already considering abandoning her New Year’s resolution to complete a single pull up. Sources close to the situation say Artemis made the vow at a New Year’s Eve party and initially kept her word by joining a local Planet Fitness on January 1st.

However, after a few hours of failed attempts, gym goers report they haven’t seen Artemis since.

A friend tells The Fluffington Post that since her ill-fated trip to the gym, the kitty has been binge-watching Wednesday on Netflix and eating tuna by the can.

Via the-katinator.

Area Dog Consistently Chooses the Wrong Lane at the Supermarket

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You know what it’s like: you fill up your cart with groceries, you’ve got an increasingly antsy kiddo in tow, and all you want to do is pay and get back home before the ice cream melts. So you choose the checkout lane with the shortest line, and then the person in front of you has fifteen price checks and the card reader goes down. For most of us, this is a once-in-awhile annoyance, for a local puppy named Bruno, it’s his every day life.

“It’s incredible, really, how often he picks the wrong lane,” says coworker Stephanie Sabatini. “I once saw him go into Petco on his lunch break to buy a single treat. They had two lanes open, and he picks the one that’s the completely clear instead of the one where someone is doing a return. I swear, as soon as he steps up to the counter, all hell breaks loose in grooming and his cashier is called away to help for 15 minutes. The other line must have had ten customers go through while he waited!”

Friends say Bruno takes his special “talent” in stride, always happily wagging his tail no matter how long he has to wait. But it has affected his relationships.

“Bruno is amazing guy,” says Sabatini. “Literally one of the goodest boys I know. But I would never go shopping with him again. It takes all day!”

Via Elhessar.

Physicists Perplexed by Cat’s Mysterious Phase Change

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A new paper published in The European Journal of Feline Science puts forth something new and interesting about the nature of cats. Under certain conditions, cats undergo a curious phase change and become liquid.

“At first we thought the felines were becoming some sort of free-flowing solid, perhaps an evolutionary adaptation that would allow them to squeeze under doors or get into locked cabinets,” the paper’s primary author, Dr. Vincenzo Pasquale of the Sapienza Università di Roma, said at a press conference last week. “But further testing revealed a full change of phase from solid to liquid.”

Paasquale and his team aren’t sure why cats have this ability and his paper presents more questions than it answers. Further study is needed, and scientists caution that industry is still decades away from commercial applications of this discovery.

Via miroslav887.

Kitten Concerned He’s Not Taken Seriously When Plotting Evil

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Crowley, a kitten from Burlington, VT, is constantly coming up with nefarious plans, sources tell The Fluffington Post. But recently he’s become convinced that no one takes his scheming seriously.

“He started with small things, like hiding the dog’s food,” said a source close to the situation who wished to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal. “Since the pandemic, though, he’s had a lot of extra time on his paws and his plots have gotten more grandiose. Like last week we found plans for extorting neighborhood pets in some sort of protection racket.”

Yet, even with the gravity of Crowley’s machinations, he’s grown frustrated that his behavior is not treated with more urgency.

“I mean, look, do we want Crowley to defraud all the pets in the neighborhood? No, of course not,” said the source. “But, he’s so damn cute. Evil or not, it’s basically impossible not to just pick him up and smother him with cuddles.”

via u/Squirrels_dont_build