kitties

Though we are less than two weeks into 2023, an area cat named Artemis is already considering abandoning her New Year’s resolution to complete a single pull up. Sources close to the situation say Artemis made the vow at a New Year’s Eve party and initially kept her word by joining a local Planet Fitness on January 1st.

However, after a few hours of failed attempts, gym goers report they haven’t seen Artemis since.

A friend tells The Fluffington Post that since her ill-fated trip to the gym, the kitty has been binge-watching Wednesday on Netflix and eating tuna by the can.

Via the-katinator.

A new paper published in The European Journal of Feline Science puts forth something new and interesting about the nature of cats. Under certain conditions, cats undergo a curious phase change and become liquid.

“At first we thought the felines were becoming some sort of free-flowing solid, perhaps an evolutionary adaptation that would allow them to squeeze under doors or get into locked cabinets,” the paper’s primary author, Dr. Vincenzo Pasquale of the Sapienza Università di Roma, said at a press conference last week. “But further testing revealed a full change of phase from solid to liquid.”

Paasquale and his team aren’t sure why cats have this ability and his paper presents more questions than it answers. Further study is needed, and scientists caution that industry is still decades away from commercial applications of this discovery.

Via miroslav887.

Crowley, a kitten from Burlington, VT, is constantly coming up with nefarious plans, sources tell The Fluffington Post. But recently he’s become convinced that no one takes his scheming seriously.

“He started with small things, like hiding the dog’s food,” said a source close to the situation who wished to remain anonymous for fear of reprisal. “Since the pandemic, though, he’s had a lot of extra time on his paws and his plots have gotten more grandiose. Like last week we found plans for extorting neighborhood pets in some sort of protection racket.”

Yet, even with the gravity of Crowley’s machinations, he’s grown frustrated that his behavior is not treated with more urgency.

“I mean, look, do we want Crowley to defraud all the pets in the neighborhood? No, of course not,” said the source. “But, he’s so damn cute. Evil or not, it’s basically impossible not to just pick him up and smother him with cuddles.”

via u/Squirrels_dont_build

The pandemic has been a boon for Bruce, a cat from Bryn Mawr, PA whose socially distanced walking tour company has taken off.

Launched with little fanfare in mid-2019, the walking tours have become a go-to activity for families looking for a safe way to spend some time together over the past couple of years.

“His timing couldn’t have been better,” says friend Nicole Martinez. “I mean, some days he grapples with the moral implications of making money off a global pandemic. But most of the time he’s just happy he’s helping people have fun safely.”

Bruce currently offers two tours under his Bryn Pawr Walking Tours brand (we know, groan). One highlights all the houses with angry dogs, while the other is a three hour round trip walk with stops at the place where Bruce once found a mouse, and the front porch of a friend’s house where he left it as a present.

Tours run daily through the end of the year.

via u/abacad_rex