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RUMOR: Hamster Gym Chain to File for IPO

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RUMOR: Hamster Gym Chain to File for IPO

Wheelz, Inc., the parent corporation of a chain of over 450 hamster gyms around the United States, will file for an initial public offering on Monday, according to rumors reported by the Wall Street Journal.  The paper reports that the company will seek to raise $10 million at a valuation of $100 million in the offering set for June.  The stock will trade on the NYSE.  

Socks McKenzie (pictured above), the charismatic founder of Wheelz, is thought to own approximately 26% of the company and will become one of the five richest hamsters in America.

Via captainmcdan.

FedEx Cans Cat Caught Pilfering Packing Peanuts

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FedEx Cans Cat Caught Pilfering Packing Peanuts

A cat working at a FedEx sorting facility in Louisville, KY has been relieved of his duties after managers found that he was stealing packing materials.  The thefts had apparently been going on for at least three months, but only came to light recently when security camera footage emerged of the cat lazily batting the foam peanuts around his office.  

Cat psychologists describe this behavior among cats as, “painfully common,” which is likely why UPS stopped hiring cats in its sorting facilities in 2009.

Via Hybernaut.

License

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Dog Caught Practicing Super Powers Without a License

A dog from Ugento, Italy (whose name has not yet been released by authorities there) has been charged with engaging in super heroic activity without the proper credentials.

As the law stands, all super heroes must maintain a valid license from the Justice League. Practicing with an expired license can incur heavy fines, while an unlicensed super hero may face time in jail, depending on his municipality.

While details are still scant in this instance, it’s certain that the dog in question won’t be foiling criminals anytime soon.

Via Pierpaolo Pizzolante.

Quaker Involved in Class Action Lawsuit Over the Kitten Content of Their Oatmeal

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Quaker Involved in Class Action Lawsuit Over the Kitten Content of Their Oatmeal

A class action lawsuit has been brought against Pepsico, the parent company of Quaker Oats, in the Superior Court of Chicago, IL over the feline content of the company’s instant oatmeal products.  The lawsuit alleges that the company’s Quaker Instant Oatmeal brand contains more than the 2 parts per million of kittens allowed by FDA regulations.

More on this story as it develops…

Via Malingering.