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Dog Bodega Owner Is a Hit With Locals

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Dog Bodega Owner Is a Hit With Locals

By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

Business has been booming at a Queens bodega ever since its owner was unceremoniously let go and replaced with a dog.

“He’s just the coolest,” says a neighborhood youngster, referring to Giant, a black Lab. “Like, yesterday I wanted to buy some Twizzlers but I was a dollar short. He didn’t even say anything.”

In addition to his lenient sales policies, locals cite Giant’s equally strict adherance to tobacco laws.

“Oh yeah, good luck buying smokes from him without an ID,” says Ray Canterbury. “My grandmother just happened to forget hers, and he just wasn’t having it. He literally blocked the tobacco shelf – as if she was going to take the whole display. She’s 83.”

Still, residents wouldn’t have it any other way. “Come on, even the last guy would tell you a dog is way better,” Canterbury says, stepping up to the counter. “Isn’t that right, buddy? Who’s a good boy? Huh? Who’s a good boy? Uh, let me get a Powerball and some 9-volt batteries.”

Via amadea56.

Office Dog Shows Management Potential

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Office Dog Shows Management Potential

A hardworking dog named Velcro was delighted to hear he was placed on a management track as of Wednesday morning.

“He’s been with the company a while now, and he’s great with clients,” says Arnold Kaplan, Velcro’s direct supervisor. “If he keeps up the good work, he might run this company someday.”

The promotion comes with a number of benefits, including a modest salary bump and a key to the executive wee-wee pad.

Submitted by Amy Fisher.

Cat Freaked Out by Federal Tax Code

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Cat Freaked Out by Federal Tax Code

A 1-year-old cat named Honey is taking some time off after five futile attempts to decipher the U.S. Federal income tax code.

“It’s the brackets that really freak her out,” says Taylor Fine, a source close to the situation. “That, and she’s a cat.”

Submitted by Becky Whitaker.

Weaponized Cat Escapes From Canadian Lab

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Weaponized Cat Escapes From Canadian Lab

The Canadian Security Intelligence Service has issued a nationwide alert that a cat with laser eyes has escaped from a Toronto testing facility and is currently unaccounted for.

The weaponized cat prototype – dubbed “Micro” – was a bio engineering breakthrough for the Canadian defense department until he got loose and began shooting lasers at scientists and civilians. While there have been a few serious injuries, there are no reported deaths.

The fast moving feline could be anywhere in the Toronto metro area, and citizens have been advised to report any sightings or abnormal cat activity to authorities.

Submitted by Nadia Rushdi.

Pug Immediately Regrets Buying Trampoline

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Pug Immediately Regrets Buying Trampoline

A Seattle pug named Franklin saw a trampoline at Target and did what any other self-respecting American would in that situation – he slapped down his debit card and rolled that sucker home.

After a good hour scouting the perfect location and tending to some basic assembly, he was ready to hop on.

“He’s been bouncing for about five hours now,” says Gerald Robinson, one of about 40 onlookers who have encircled the hopeless pup. “You can tell he wants out, but he hasn’t been able to break the cycle. I sure hope he kept the receipt.”

Via Jill Watson, by way of Bunny Food.