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BREAKING: Pup May Refuse Second Half of Biscuit

In what many industry analysts are calling an “unprecedented move,” a pup named Cruz may forgo the second half of a biscuit he was eating earlier this morning.

“I’ve never seen a dog turn down food,” says Jacklyn O’Conner, an eye-witness. “Especially food he was just eating.”

Experts are baffled by Cruz’s behavior. “I mean, most likely he’ll just snatch it right up in another minute or so,” says canine trend watcher Sam Kechner. “But if he doesn’t…well, that changes everything. It could have far-reaching ramifications for dogs everywhere.”

As of this writing, Cruz has yet to make a decision. The Fluffington Post will update this story as it develops.

Submitted by Chris DePatria.

Dog’s License Suspended for Erratic Driving

Authorities in Chicago, IL have confirmed that a 3-year-old pup named Jayda was pulled over by police Saturday morning for reckless driving.

“The mini dachshund could barely reach the steering wheel or the pedals,” says Lucas Danforth, the patrol officer who confronted Jayda on Lake Shore Drive. “I’m not even sure how she made it out to the expressway.”

Officer Danforth issued Jayda a hefty fine and was within his right to suspend her license, according to the police commissioner’s officer. “She had two prior moving violations,” the clerk tells The Fluffington Post. “She’ll be off the road for at least six months. That should be enough time for her to find a smaller car.”

Submitted by Amy Wicklund.

Pup’s Jail Break Leads to Park Romp

A 1-year-old Lhasa Apso pup named Newton has escaped from an Orange County animal shelter, according to authorities in California.

“He must have had help from the outside,” says the pound’s warden Jeffrey Mulligan. “There’s no way he could have busted out of here without someone catching him.”

Witnesses spotted the dog a mere four days later frolicking in the park. “He was playing fetch, rolling around in the grass,” says Amy Stochavich, who was picnicking at the time. “In broad daylight, too. Pretty brazen for a new escapee. At least wait for the heat to come off.”

Submitted by Christina Jungle.

Pup Launches ‘Mature Gentleman’ Clothing Line

Earl Jones, a terrier mix with an acute fashion sense, has launched his own line of pupwear his company calls “The Mature Gentleman.”

“It’s for dogs who want to look like affluent men in their 50s or 60s,” says Rhonda Morgan, a spokesperson for Mr. Jones. “We’ve got sweater vests, bow ties, flannel shirts, blazers with elbow patches. You name it.”

Currently, the Mature Gentleman line is only available on the web, but Jones plans to expand into traditional retail by December.

“Keep an eye out for these distinguished fashions in Target and J. Crew,” says Morgan.

Submitted by Kelsey Cox.