squirrels

2016 Presidential Candidate Squirrel Tests Stump Speech

The memory of the 2012 U.S. presidential election has barely had time to fade, but already political pundits have their eye toward 2016. Prospective candidates have started to raise money, form exploratory committees and test speeches.

When it comes to the 2016 field, everyone agrees that Barry the squirrel has a good shot to be the Republican nominee for president. 

The charismatic rodent from Florida has been testing his stump speech in Iowa and New Hampshire the past week, an indication, think many, that he intends to run for president.

“Barry has a lot going from him,” according to MSNBC analyst Jenna Gwin. “He’s young, he’s popular in a swing state and he’s already shown the ability to raise a lot of money.”

Barry’s press team released a noncommittal statement last week indicating that the squirrel has not yet made any plans for 2016.

Via Ajnagraphy.

Squirrel Caught Cheating on His Diet

According to reports, a squirrel named Sid has been reprimanded after being caught eating a peanut, a strict no-no according to his new diet. As his nutritionist tells The Fluffington Post, Sid’s deep-seated self-control issues once again got the best of him.

“Sid is a very overweight squirrel,” says Cheryl Frumm. “If he wants to make any progress, he’s going to have to learn to resist temptation. As his state-appointed nutritionist, it is my responsibility to ensure he avoids all foods high in saturated fat. This includes egg yolks, butter, muffins, and yes, peanuts.”

Frumm could not be reached for further comment as she had begun to chase Sid, who appeared to be eating a slab of bacon.

VIa cseeman.

Replays Show Squirrel Was Safe at Home

After reviewing tape from last night’s Forest World Series game between the Central Park Squirrels and the Yellowstone Chipmunks, star Squirrels third basemen Steve Fluffson appeared to actually be safe.

The squirrel was called out sliding into home plate in the fifth inning, a controversial call that got both managers out of their respective dugouts and would have given the Squirrels the lead at the time.  The Chipmunks eventually won the game.

The two teams will meet for a game five tomorrow night in New York.

Via sammi_squirrel.