Thaddeus, a local bulldog, is suing the owners of The Wet Whistle, over the size of their entry way, according to court papers obtained by The Fluffington Post. The complaint specifies that the door is “egregiously undersized” and contents that the dog’s rights are being infringed.
“My client has been denied entry to a popular drinking establishment on the basis of his husky size,” said Benjamin Watkins, legal representation for Thaddeus. “This is simple unacceptable and is a violation of his basic canine constitutional rights.”
Lawyers for the bar disagree and intend to fight the complaint in court.
“This is crazy. First, ‘canine constitutional rights’ aren’t even a thing,” said lawyer Jane Salazar. “Second, The Wet Whistle puts a dish of water outside for any puppy patrons, free of charge. Third, that door is meant for cats, ferrets, maybe a hamster. Of course it’s too small for a bulldog. We’re not settling.”
No court date has been set.
A Pekingese named King Kong finally threw in the towel…er, sweater on Friday after a marathon clothes fitting session in which he simply could not make a promising Gap sweater work.
“He struggled with it for about three hours,” says Hila Stein, a source close to the dog and his fashion sense. “He was really into the stripes and the knit was extremely comfortable. But in the end, he just couldn’t get his chubby head through the neck hole.”
Witnesses claim they saw Kong walking sheepishly to the returns counter at a local outlet mall the very same day.
“He was bummed out, but I always say, if it’s not a slam dunk fit, you’ll regret it,” Stein adds.
When Zeke the dog said he wanted to rent a photo booth for his birthday party, friends were skeptical. It was expensive and some feared it might be passé.
“He sort of blew the party budget,” said friend Emily Collier. “Renting the booth meant instead of a catering spread from Whole Foods, we just had potato chips and pretzels. Plus, aren’t photo booths like so 2015?”
But Collier admits she was wrong. The photo booth was a hit, she said, and there was a line to use it the entire evening.
“I guess I forgot this was mostly a puppy party,” she said. “They’re a little behind on trends, and I mean, they don’t really care what kind of food you get.”