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Cat Uses Fake Glasses to Snooze In Class
To say that Alaska, a cat from Worcester, MA, is bored in his Intro to Psych class is an understatement.
“He can barely stay awake,” says fellow classmate Chip Dixon. “He’s nodded off a few times and the professor gets mad.”
Fortunately, Alaska’s found an elegant solution.
“He glued two googly eyes to a pair of cardboard glasses,” says Dixon. “He can take as many cat naps as he likes, and no one will be the wiser.”
Submitted by Eric Baldelli.
Cat Convicted on 2 Counts of Money Laundering
A federal judge has found local cat Roxie guilty of money laundering. The two-count conviction came down early Tuesday after a four-month trial.
“My client has done nothing wrong or immoral,” says Sal Maser, attorney for the defendant. “That cash was absolutely filthy. It just needed a spin cycle.”
Much of the case has centered around the meaning of “laundering” in a legal context, though many experts expect the ruling to stick.
“We certainly plan to appeal. We’ll take this to the Supreme Court if we have to,” Maser added.
Via Ca$hCats.
Cat Goes All-In on Pair of Nines
In a move poker experts are calling “reckless” and “bone-headed,” a cat named Freddie pushed all his chips into the pot in the third round of betting on a late hand.
“We called his bluff,” said Nick Chambers, one of four other players at the table. “He only had a pair of nines. I had a full house, and knocked his ass right out of the game.”
Via Bagsomilk.
Cat Attempts to Do Own Taxes, Fails
When Artemis received her 2012 W-2 form from her employer, she figured there’s no time like the present to sit down and knock out her tax returns. She had no idea what she was in for, according to sources.
“She really got tripped up on the itemized deductions,” says Larry Booth, the CPA who eventually took on the cat’s filing. “When you factor in home improvements, charitable donations, the number of dependents – she has seven kittens – it can get pretty complicated. She was about to give up and just take the standard deduction, but I helped her maximize the return in the end.”
Via everyfivemins.
Hamster Emerges From New Year’s Bender
By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent
A hamster named Cupko has finally reappeared following an exceptionally epic New Year’s Eve bash. Friends say that Cupko had been hibernating for three straight days, and only emerged from his hutch late Thursday “to grab a glass of water.”
“He was chugging pellets the whole night,” says Paul Sturtevant. “I’ve never seen him party that hard. Guess he just needed to sleep it off.”
With the exception of a lingering hangover, Cupko is expected to face no other long-term consequences from the evening.
“Well, we had to reschedule brunch,” says Sturtevant. “There was no way he was getting up for that, though. Dude was in rough shape.”
Via IRebic.
