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Pug’s ‘Golden Girls’ Audition Tape Leaks Online

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Pug’s ‘Golden Girls’ Audition Tape Leaks Online

A pug’s aspirations for sitcom stardom are no longer secret after a hacker group known as “Gizzard Squad” claimed responsibility for leaking her audition tape to the Internet.

“Gigi has always been a huge fan of Golden Girls,” says Jeremy Gaines, a friend of the Columbus, OH pug. “But I had no idea how obsessed she was.”

The video – titled “Gigi’s Golden Girls Audition” – shows the pug in full “Sophia” dress and makeup, reading a scene from season three, episode two of the long-running ’80s sitcom.

“Look, Gigi is a great HR manager at work and she bakes an amazing tuna casserole from time to time, but she’s not an actor” says Gaines. “The tape has made things a little awkward for everyone. Also, Golden Girls has been off the air for like 20 years.”

Gizzard Squad hackers would not return our request for comment.

Submitted by Mike B.

Anxious Cat Misplaces FedEx Tracking Number

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Anxious Cat Misplaces FedEx Tracking Number

When Toby ordered a new controller for his Xbox One from Amazon, he was pretty confident he selected free two-day shipping.

“He’s a Prime member, why wouldn’t he?” says Cameron Croxley, a source close to the cat.

But when two business days came and went without any sign of the package, Toby’s anxiety began to rise.

“He forgot his Amazon password, so he has no way to get the FedEx tracking number,” says Croxley. “He was right in the middle of his Halo 4 campaign when his controller crapped out, so he’s been checking the mail slot every 15 minutes or so. Poor guy.”

Via idontknowiforgot

Local Dog Won’t Return Duplicate Christmas Scarf

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Local Dog Won’t Return Duplicate Christmas Scarf

A Chicago dog named Carl is refusing to return or exchange this year’s Christmas haul, despite protests from friends and family that he is taking gift etiquette to the extreme.

“Carl got the same scarf for Christmas three years in a row,” says Claire Finewell, the dog’s cousin. “This year it was from a Secret Santa exchange. He’s really good at pretending to like things when he opens them. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

Joseph O’Donnell, Carl’s longtime friend, agrees: “I don’t think anyone will mind if he just exchanges it for an Xbox game or a turtleneck. He should just get what he really wants.”

Instead, sources close to the situation say that Carl will simply rotate the three duplicate scarves equally into his wardrobe and not really make a huge deal about it.

Via cassjacks.