PHOTO OP: Fashion Icons
PHOTO OP: Fashion Icons
Kitty Regrets Catnip Bender
Some life lessons you have to learn the hard way. A Milwaukee-area cat named Welfleet learned a valuable lesson this weekend about over indulgence after an all-night catnip bender.
"He’s pretty hung over," said roommate Jack Minian. "He’s just been sitting on the couch and staring off into space for a few hours, cringing whenever I make any noise."
According to Minian, the cat went out with coworkers on Friday evening and hit a bunch of feline hot spots.
"They went bar hopping and he clearly had too much ‘nip," said Minian. "His friends brought him home at 2am, and Welfleet woke me up meowing on the front step. Apparently he couldn’t figure out how to work his key."
The good news for the cat is that the hangover is temporary. The bad news, Minian says they just ran out of Tylenol.
PHOTO OP: No! Not the Tickles!
Cat’s Closet Organizing Business Folds
According to a Facebook post, Luna the cat has decided to shutter her closet organizing business after just four months.
The business got off to a hot start after the cat invested heavily in a local advertising and PR blitz at launch.
"She spent a lot on full page ads in the local alt-weekly and got a five minute spot on the evening news right after she opened," said friend and business advisor Mina Kravitz. Luna also built a fruitful referral partnership with the nearby branch of The Container Store. "She was overbooked almost instantly."
But then the negative Yelp reviews started to roll in.
"She was great at organizing a closet, but her client’s clothes kept getting mysteriously shredded," explained Kravitz. "In the end, she was paying out on so many damage claims she had to just close up shop."
PHOTO OP: Gimme a Hug!
PHOTO OP: Ready for the Fundraiser
Cat Desperate to Upgrade From Flip-Phone
by Anna Washenko, FluffPo Correspondent
For years, Whiskers the cat has resisted the siren song of the smartphone. Insisting that she doesn’t need to always be on Facebook and that keypad texting really isn’t so bad, she has held on to her first ever cell phone.
Roommate Josh Myles said the reason for Whiskers’ hesitance to upgrade might be the nature of modern smartphone interfaces.
"She tried to play with a music app on my tablet, once, but it turns out claws are pretty unreliable for a touch interface," he explained. "Plus, I mean, the RAZR was a pretty awesome cell phone when she got it. But that was 2005. It’s time to let go."
Myles thinks Whiskers may finally be pining for an upgrade, however.
"I walked by her on the computer last night and she was looking at the iPhone 6 website, purring," he said.
CIA Cat Spy Outed on Wikileaks
U.S. officials have confirmed that Zippo the cat is an employee of the United States government and has been recalled from his post in Libya for his protection. The cat, who it is believed was undercover for the CIA in Tripoli until last week, was outed in a declassified document published on Wikileaks on October 2.
Officials will not confirm the accuracy of the document, or what the nature of Zippo’s business was in northern Africa. A spokesperson for the State Department — whom, experts say, could be running point on damage control to cover a blown CIA operation — said that the leaked document put the cat in danger regardless of its authenticity.
Members of congress were outraged.
"It’s deplorable," said a senior Senate aide. "Whoever leaked those documents must be found and brought to justice."
Intelligence reform advocates were less black and white on the issue, however.
"Look, no one wants to put Americans overseas at risk," said government spying expert Noah Metcalf, "but if the government is using kittens in covert intelligence operations abroad, the public has a right to know. I mean, if the CIA is doing this, you better believe the NSA is, too. What sort of danger might be lurking in our own homes? Maybe even in your lap right now."
PHOTO OP: An Embarrassment of Riches