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Cat Rents Out Room, Immediately Regrets Doing So

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Cat Rents Out Room, Immediately Regrets Doing So

by Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

Breeze the cat was just looking to save a little money.

“He thought renting his room out on Craigslist would be a no-brainer,” says Adam Furst, a friend. “It’s certainly spacious enough – at least for a cat.”

Almost immediately after posting the ad, Breeze got an email.

“It was from a guinea pig,” says Furst. “Breeze had some reservations, but decided it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Big mistake – there was a second guinea pig.”

Now Breeze is dealing with cramped quarters as Griff and Mal have taken up indefinite residence.

“It’s bad enough that they took over his bed,” says Furst. “They insist on eating lettuce all the time, though. It’s kind of like a bad sitcom – except it’s real." 

Via Castaway in Scotland.

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Doctors Attempt Risky ‘Siamese Cat’ Separation

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Doctors Attempt Risky ‘Siamese Cat’ Separation

by Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

In a medical first, veterinarians will attempt to separate Louie and Peanut, a pair of cats that have become impossibly attached to one another.

“They’re what the medical community would term ‘Siamese cats,’” says Dr. Rand Carlson. “Except they’re not Siamese cats, as far as we can tell, they’re just regular cats – but they’re really, really stuck together.”

The procedure will involve a team of doctors equipped with the latest X-ray and laparoscopic technologies, as well as “several” cat treats.

“There will be a good deal of coaxing, and maybe some prying. There’s really no telling how long it will take,” says Carlson. “We’ll try to work quickly – but if they start scratching or hissing, we’re going to have to slow things down.”

At press time, the operation had been called off due to both cats “just not having it.”

Via soundawake.

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SCANDAL: World Cup Groups Were Chosen by Chinchilla

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SCANDAL: World Cup Groups Were Chosen by Chinchilla

A new scandal has rocked the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) this week after a report leaked to the French press that alleged that the groups for this year’s opening stage of the World Cup were determined by a Chinchilla.

French newspaper L’Express reported this week that it had obtained documents showing that FIFA had given complete control of the group selection process to an ill-prepared Chinchilla named Mr. Porkchop. 

“He really had no idea what he was doing,” one source told the paper on condition of anonymity. “He just locked himself in his cage for two days, and when he came out, the groups were set. It made no sense.”

Already embroiled in a corruption scandal involving how Qatar won its bid for the 2022 World Cup, another scandal could take even more attention away from the current games being played in Brazil.  

“This could be very bad for FIFA,” said football historian Hans Friedrichs. “Taking bribes and awarding bids to undeserving countries is just par for the course with a corrupt organization like FIFA, but letting a chinchilla decide match groupings? This affects the sanctity of the sport. This people might not stand for.”

Via little_mr.porkchop.

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