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Guinea Pig Cries Through Entire Sad Movie
A local guinea pig named Malcolm has reportedly cried through yet another rented movie. This, according to sources, is par for the course when it comes to Malcolm and movies over the past couple of months.
“Well, he just went through a bad break up,” said friend Tracy Bussler, “so everything sets him off. He should own stock in Kleenex. On the other hand, I have no idea why he keeps renting The Notebook.”
Via Castaway in Scotland.
Dog Worried Big Bird Halloween Costume Is Too Political
Hercules was always planning to dress up as Big Bird for Halloween this year. After all, the giant avian is his favorite Sesame Street character. But when the big yellow bird became a politically charged campaign issue following the first presidential debate earlier this month, Hercules began to worry that his costume choice might be too political.
“He’s not trying to send a political message,” said Keith Hagens, a source close to the situation. "He just really, really loves Big Bird. He doesn’t want anyone to think he’s supporting one candidate or the other.“
Hercules has not yet decided if he will keep the costume or pull a last minute audible and find something else to wear trick-or-treating.
Via The Suss-Man.
PHOTO OP: Poodle Pup
Via JJ Jason.
Weaponized Puppy Destroys Enemies With Cuteness
At a weapons expo in Arlington, VA this week, defense technology contractor Raytheon demoed its latest breakthrough: a weaponized puppy that dispatches deadly concentrated bursts of cuteness.
“Puppies were long overlooked in the defense world,” said Raytheon spokesperson Arnold La Fontaigne. “It was generally thought that dogs couldn’t be utilized in the military until they matured and were ready for tasks like bomb sniffing, cadaver recovery and scouting. But our research has found that puppy cuteness levels, when magnified and directed, can be debilitating on the battlefield.”
La Fontaigne would not go into specifics about how his company’s puppies work, but indicated that they essentially “charm enemies to death.”
Via capn madd matt.
Cat Loses Followers Due to Too Many GPOYs
Georgie the cat was a hit on Tumblr, that is, until he started posting non-stop selfies.
There were shots of Georgie in bed, brushing his teeth, laying out by the pool, trying on clothes at the mall, hanging out with friends. And it all got to be too much for many of his followers.
“Georgie used to have a really great Tumblr,” said ex-fan Jan Perkins. “I loved all the inspirational quotes he posted and the hilarious GIFs of 90s memes. But then the GPOY-fest started. It was just Georgie, Georgie, Georgie all the time. No thanks.”
According to unconfirmed reports, the kitty is down 15,000 followers over the past three weeks.
Via georgie_cat.
