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Cat Wizard Refuses to Reverse Spell

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A powerful feline wizard named Pancake is refusing to reverse a spell that turned all of the food in his town into tuna, according to residents.

“I had just dropped $150 at Whole Foods,” said James Watkins, who lives two houses away from Pancake. “I picked up some local organic peppers, artisanal, slow roasted salami, this really expensive cheese from France… and now it’s all just tuna. What am I going to do with $150 worth of tuna?”

Dr. Clara Barber, Senior Occult Correspondent at CNN, says there’s not much the town can do.

“Pancake is a level twelve wizard,” she told CNN host Kate Bolduan this morning. “When you have a cat that powerful, it’s almost impossible to reverse a spell. Unless maybe they can find a fourth degree iguana neuromancer. But I mean, good luck with that.”

Via nugget_pancake.

Area Swan Loving New Flamingo Workout Routine

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He tried Zumba. He tried spinning. He tried Barre. None of today’s hot workout fads helped Stanley the swan lose the extra few holiday pounds he’d been carrying since a particularly raucous 4th of July party earlier this year. But a new routine developed by a flamingo personal trainer in Florida called “Leg Up” may be the exercise Stanley has been seeking.

“He’d just gotten back into town after spending the winter down south,” said friend Janice Cooper of the 4th of July party. “He went a little crazy. Ate about two or three loaves of bread. It’s been a struggle to lose the weight since.”

Cooper said the bird attended his first Leg Up class last week and so far loves it.

“It’s a lot of temperature regulation and neck exercises,” she explained. “But he’s already down a couple of ounces. As long as he also stays away from old people on park benches, he should be able to keep it off.”

Via beccapizza.