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Cat Wealth Guru Recommends Tuna Stock

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Cat Wealth Guru Recommends Tuna Stock

by Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

Personal wealth guru Cheeto the cat has just released his annual “Hot Stocks” list, and Wall Street analysts are abuzz over one particular pick.

“I was not expecting tuna,” says Rick Nelson of CNBC. “That’s always been a high-risk sector. Wind energy and biotech would have been obvious choices. 3-D printing was huge this year. From a financial standpoint, this makes little sense.”

Some aren’t as skeptical.

“Look, Cheeto’s always been an oracle with investing,” says Bryan Canning of The Wall Street Journal. “When he pushed cardboard boxes as a Hot Stock in ‘07, people thought he was crazy. Now, of course, everybody has one. Only Cheeto could have foreseen that.”

Canning was also quick to clarify another unexpected pick – print media.

“Oh, he doesn’t think anyone will actually buy newspaper again,” says the market expert. “He really just likes to lay on it.”

Via Bmfrench.

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Cat Announces Major Advance In String Theory

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Cat Announces Major Advance In String Theory

by Anna Washenko, FluffPo Correspondent

Sophie, a cat from Boston, announced a new breakthrough in string theory. For years, she’s dedicated her life to studying advanced particle physics at MIT, with a focus on cosmic yarn threads. 

Her recent discovery is that a concentrated entanglement with high-quality yarn creates a quantum state of relaxation. 

While Sophie is confident that her discovery has moved physicists one big step closer to finding a unified theory of everything, the scientific community at large seems skeptical of whether relaxation and playtime could indeed be the solution to that elusive theory. 

“Sophie’s ideas about quantum relaxation are certainly original,” said Dr. Felix Baumer, a colleague at MIT. “However, I’m not sure if a human physicist will be able to replicate her study results. We’ll see what the data says.”

Via Ricky Buchanan.

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Hippie Dog Plans First Ever ‘Woofstock’

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Hippie Dog Plans First Ever ‘Woofstock’

by Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

Sadie was always a “groovy” dog.

The pooch’s stubborn adherence to hippie culture and love for all things 60’s has made her a unique presence at the dog park – and now she’s taking things a step further.

In the ultimate attempt at recreating the Summer of Love, the dog has made plans to stage the first-ever “Woofstock.”

“It’ll be three days of peace and love, and probably some barking,” says Casey Donahue, a friend. “Just imagine that concert from ’69, but with dogs. That’s really the best way I can explain it.”

Though the lineup has yet to be revealed, industry insiders expect some big names to join the bill.

“Word is The Dave Bark Five will be there,” says Paul Weathers, senior editor at Pitchfork. “Possibly The Mamas and the Puppies. You might even see The Growling Stones. If you’re a dog, I’d book tickets early – it’s gonna be far out, man.”

Woofstock is expected to kick off in late summer, directly after Meowtamont. 

Via Skyote.

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