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Kitty Cuddle Session Shut Down

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Kitty Cuddle Session Shut Down

By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

According to reports out of Portland, OR, two cats have been cited for indecent cuddling. Authorities say that Frankie and Duncan were found underneath a blanket, apparently hiding while they committed the act.

“You see this kind of thing all the time,” says Officer Ray Birchum, who issued the cats summonses after receiving an anonymous tip. “Cuddling, snuggling, snoozling – whatever you want to call it, they were doing it in broad daylight. Cats think they can get away with it just because they’re cute. They are. But they’re not above the law." 

A representative for the cats tells The Fluffington Post that they plan to fight the accusations.

Via @mitdasein.

Puppy Sees First Ice Cream Truck

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Puppy Sees First Ice Cream Truck

By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

According to reports, Greta the puppy has spotted an ice cream truck for the first time. Sources on the ground confirm that the pup has successfully identified the vehicle and is now running toward it at full speed.

“Whoa, look at her go!” says neighbor Greg Quinn. “I wonder what she’s going to get – maybe a sno-cone, or a fudgesicle… or maybe one of those Pink Panther pops with the gumballs for the eyes. Do they still make those? Either way, she looks pretty hungry.”

Greta was reported to be out on her afternoon walk when the familiar strains of Scott Joplin’s “The Entertainer” caught her ear.

“Oh, boy. Once she heard that, it was all over,” says Helen Lloyd, a close friend. “Of course she doesn’t know that song, because she’s a dog. She still had to see what it was, though.”

When asked what Greta was after exactly, Lloyd could only speculate.

“I have no idea,” says Lloyd. “Maybe it’s one of those Choco Tacos. Or Push-Ups – those are nice. Or maybe it’s one of those Ninja Turtle pops with the gumballs for the eyes. It could be anything, really.”

At press time, The Fluffington Post could not confirm the puppy’s selection as she was still waiting in line.

Via Uwe Maeurer. Originally published on HelloGiggles.

Area Cat Refuses to Box

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Area Cat Refuses to Box

By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

According to reports, Louie the cat has refused to take part in the oft-practiced kitty pastime known as “boxing.” Usually, a cat will see a box, lie down in it, and stay in that position for an indeterminate amount of time. 

Not Louie.

The cat’s owner tells The Fluffington Post that Louie outright rejected the box he was presented with last week.

“I thought he would love it,” says Roger Blake. “He just stared at me like, ‘what am I supposed to do with this?’ I was really taken aback.”

Though not unheard of, Louie’s behavior is considered unusual among experts.

“Louie should have had no reservations accepting the box as his temporary home,” says feline behaviorist Linda Fiore. “It seems that, sadly, he has forgotten how to cat.”

Via cyale4.

Local Dog is a Total Chick Magnet

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Local Dog is a Total Chick Magnet

By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

No one knows how he does it.

According to sources, Flip the dog is a veritable expert when it comes to attracting chicks. Once an average border collie, Flip has intrigued animal lovers and scientific experts alike with his uncanny ability to pick up loads of chicks. 

“Flip has a skill virtually unrivaled in the dog community,” says zoologist Kirk Horton. “Or the human community, for that matter. Once chicks come to him, they don’t leave. To be honest, I’m kind of jealous.”

Friends say they’re baffled by the dog’s sudden talent.

“It’s like somebody flipped a switch,” says Ryan Deal. “He never used to get any chicks – they barely even noticed him. But not anymore. Chicks love him.”

And it only got worse over the Easter holiday.

“Oh, man,” says Deal. “The chicks were everywhere. In baskets, in marshmallow form – it was like Christmas for him. But with chicks.”

Via YourFavoriteMartyr. This post originally appeared on HelloGiggles.

‘Yep, Right There,’ Says Cat

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‘Yep, Right There,’ Says Cat

By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

According to sources, Izzy the cat is currently in the throes of an exceptionally satisfying scratch session. The cat’s owner tells The Fluffington Post that it happened largely by accident, but seems to really be working. 

“I just started scratching him underneath his chin,” says Phil LaBute, showing the patented scratch. “That was about four hours ago. I’m no cat expert, but I’d say he likes it.”

Others seem to agree.

“Oh yeah, he definitely likes it,” says cat expert Mark Brunault. “He’s purring pretty loud – that means he’s a happy kitty. That guy should not stop doing that.”

Via floodlightpurveyor.