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Area Swan Loving New Flamingo Workout Routine

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He tried Zumba. He tried spinning. He tried Barre. None of today’s hot workout fads helped Stanley the swan lose the extra few holiday pounds he’d been carrying since a particularly raucous 4th of July party earlier this year. But a new routine developed by a flamingo personal trainer in Florida called “Leg Up” may be the exercise Stanley has been seeking.

“He’d just gotten back into town after spending the winter down south,” said friend Janice Cooper of the 4th of July party. “He went a little crazy. Ate about two or three loaves of bread. It’s been a struggle to lose the weight since.”

Cooper said the bird attended his first Leg Up class last week and so far loves it.

“It’s a lot of temperature regulation and neck exercises,” she explained. “But he’s already down a couple of ounces. As long as he also stays away from old people on park benches, he should be able to keep it off.”

Via beccapizza.

Area Pup Recovering From Halloween Hangover

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Sid dove right into his hard-won bag of treats after a marathon 10-hour trick-or-treating session on Halloween.

“He only stopped for bathroom breaks and re-fueled on the go right from his stash,” says Casey Morrigan, a neighbor who observed Sid on the street multiple times that night.

Sources familiar with the situation say the ravenous sugar binge has left Sid in a lethargic state, and he hasn’t left his bed in two days.

“Classic tummy ache,” says Roy Kramer, a friend who had checked in when Sid missed his yoga class. “He’ll be fine, he just ate too many biscuits in one shot.”

via @myregalbeagle

Cat’s Obtuse Halloween Costume Stumps Everyone

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Abigail is the reigning queen of Halloween among her friends and co-workers. At least, she was.

“You can always count on Abigail to win the company costume contest,” says colleague Ron Simmons. “Last year she was Left Shark. The year before that, she was a chimichanga with actual, edible queso in her costume.”

But this year’s get-up has many friends baffled.

“It’s just a plastic bag. Is she supposed to be trash?” posits Tiffany Unger, Abigail’s roommate.

“Maybe she’s groceries,” says Ryan O’Toole, a longtime friend. “I don’t know.”

Abigail won’t reveal the theme of her costume, hoping instead that people will just “get it,” according to sources familiar with the situation.

“I guess it has some sort of political or environmental message,” O’Toole speculates. “I think she’s lost her edge.”

via @choyoungmi62