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BREAKING: Lion Will Not Seek Reelection as Jungle King

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BREAKING: Lion Will Not Seek Reelection as Jungle King

The days of the lion as the King of the Jungle are officially coming to an end. The Fluffington Post has learned that the lion will not seek another term in office and instead will retire from politics.

Last month, rumors began circulating that the lion had signed a seven-figure book deal with Simon & Schuster to pen his memoir and insiders suspected at that time that he might not run for another term.  

A press conference is expected to be held tomorrow at the lion estate.  

More on this story as it develops…

Via Tambako the Jaguar.

Cat Refuses to Admit Christmas Is Over

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Cat Refuses to Admit Christmas Is Over

Christmas takes forever to arrive and then it’s over in a flash.  At least, that’s how area kitty Arla sees it, which is why she has barricaded herself inside the Christmas tree and is refusing to come down.

“She won’t acknowledge that Christmas is over and there are 364 days until the next one,” said Fred Finley, a source close to the situation.  "She’s up in the tree and refuses to come down until we add another couple of days to Christmas.  Like we have the authority to do that.“

Friends hope that Arla will come to her senses before New Year’s.

Via scotbot.

Kitten Plans to Return Gift Later in the Week

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Kitten Plans to Return Gift Later in the Week

All in all, Dexter the kitten had a pretty good Christmas.  He got most of the things he asked for, but one of his presents will need to go back.  

According to sources close to the situation, the shoes Dexter received from his aunt are about 12 sizes too big. 

“It’s okay,” said Marie Sommers, a friend.  "His aunt put the receipt in the box, so we’ll just return them to DSW land get a smaller size.“

Via quinnums.

Dog Successfully Watches 24 Hours of ‘A Christmas Story’

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Dog Successfully Watches 24 Hours of ‘A Christmas Story’

Area dog Lucy has successfully completed a grueling 24-hour marathon viewing of the 1983 classic holiday film, A Christmas Story.  The movie, which is shown back-to-back-to-back-to-etc. on TBS each Christmas has long been a favorite of Lucy’s.  However, according to friends, she’d never actually seen it straight through.

“Oh she always loved the movie, but she’d only watched it piecemeal,” said longtime friend Barry Glazer.  "She’d wander in during the middle of the movie, then change the channel and switch back somewhere else.  Since it was on non-stop, she’d eventually see the whole thing, just never all at once or in the correct order.“

Lucy decided to change that this year and resigned to watch the entire 24-hour marathon straight through.  Friends report that she is resting on the couch today.

Via Martin Cathrae.