animals

Cat’s Car Is Fully Winterized

In anticipation of more bluster from the Polar Vortex, a Canadian cat named Samuel isn’t taking chances with his ride.

“Chains on the tires, aintifreeze wiper fluid and an emergency kit in the trunk,” says Cole Wratten, Samuel’s neighbor. “That cat’s got everything covered.”

And with good reason. Sources say Samuel was late to work three times this winter alone due to snow and freezing temperatures. “He can’t afford to miss another shift at the hairball factory. He’s prepared for anything now.”

Via brittinea.

Cat Lands Job as Book Editor at Harper Collins

New York City-based cat Miss Fanny has been hired by Harper Collins as a senior acquisitions editor under the HarperOne imprint.

“Miss Fanny is a fantastic editor with a keen eye for what audiences want,” said spokesperson Jake Nelson. “We’re excited to have her on board.”

The cat will be responsible for acquiring 10-15 projects per year in the True Crime and Politics categories. Her first acquisition, “Who Killed the Backyard Blue Jay,” is a harrowing non-fiction account of the case of what really happened to the dead bird found in a suburban backyard in 2007. 

Via frodokongbobzeyna.

Lottery-Winning Cat Spends Fortune on Giant Stuffed Bear

When Mortimer, a Scottish Fold kitty, struck it rich by matching the first five numbers on his Powerball ticket last August, he promised friends he would spend wisely, save for the future, and generally be responsible.

And for awhile, he did that. He splurged one in awhile on caviar or organic catnip, but he put most of the money in a 401k, paid off his student loans, and continued to work his day job.

Then this past week, roommates came home and found Mortimer perched atop a giant stuffed bear.

“I walk in and there’s Morty siting on this giant… thing… bear,” said Tom Spiner, who has lived with the cat for three years, “and I’m like, ‘Oh jeez, I guess responsibility is out the window.’”

According to Spiner, Mortimer cashed out his 401k – for which he’ll pay a penalty – and dropped $45,000 on the bear. Why so much? It’s made completely of cashmere.

Spiner worries that the reckless cat may be on the road to the poor house if he doesn’t get his spending back under control.

Via saimanmortimer.