Puppy Cuts Cord After Horrifying Day of Television

Saint Louis puppy Burt Macklin immediately terminated his cable package late Sunday afternoon after he was stuck at home with nothing to watch but live TV.

“He had the sniffles so he couldn’t get out to the park for his usual walkies,” says Cynthia O’Donnell, a source familiar with the situation. “He sat in front of the tube and watched about seven hours of daytime television. He was not the same after that.”

The programming horrified him, according to witnesses. Insipid talk shows, infomercials, reality shlock, B movies and reruns flooded every station.

“And the commercials,” says O’Donnell. “They’re everywhere.”

Macklin reportedly applied the savings on his cable bill toward a Hulu Plus subscription and an Internet speed upgrade, though The Fluffington Post could not confirm the megabit download rate at the time of publication.