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Puppy Vows to Run as an Independent this Fall

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After suffering a crushing defeat in the Democratic primary that pundits say was “completely expected” (she didn’t appear on any ballots), Bella the dog is now saying she’ll run as an independent candidate for president in the fall.

A spokesperson told The Fluffington Post that even though Bella won zero delegates in the primary, she intends to “continue bringing her message of hope, equality, and belly rubs for everyone to the world.”

Political analysts think there might be something else to her decision to stay in the race despite overwhelming odds.

“There’s no doubt she’s a very good dog,” said MSNBC political commentator Stacie Copley. “But I think the real reason Bella is staying in the race is that she loves campaigning. I mean, she absolutely loves it. All the car rides, especially. She’s in heaven when she’s on the trail.”

Via bella_thebulldog_.

Feline Art Critic Sick of Going to Crappy Shows

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Stella the cat started her journalism career as an intern at The Village Voice twelve years ago. Following a short stint as a stringer at Newsday, the kitty wordsmith found a home as art critic for Time Out New York in 2011. Five years into what she’s long told friends was her dream job, Stella is starting to burn out. 

Friends and co-workers say it’s starting to show in the cat’s work. An audit of her reviews of gallery shows over the past five years shows that her earlier pieces tended to be upbeat and positive. More recent reviews, however, are often biting, sarcastic, and spiritless.

“Stella’s probably been to, I dunno, 1,500 art openings at this point,” said Time Out assistant events editor Nicole Thackery. “She’s seen a lot of great art, but a lot of really bad stuff, too.”

Thackery thinks that all the bad stuff is starting to get to Stella.

“We’ve talked about maybe letting her take a sabbatical to work on some book projects she’s been kicking around,” said Thackery. “You know, clear her head, let her rediscover what she initially loved about this beat.”

Via WG55.

Tiny Horse Uses Too Much Conditioner

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A tiny horse from Vermont named Carol accidentally spilled an entire bottle of conditioner onto her fur over the weekend, according to sources close to the situation.

The horse, who friend’s say has worried about a thinning mane, began using Pantene Pro-V Full & Thick brand hair care products last month. 

“You’re only supposed to use a dime sized drop of conditioner, though,” said one friend. “It’s really hard to open those bottles with hooves. She spilled the entire thing all over.”

The horse reportedly washed the conditioner out immediately, but to no avail. She’s gained about 25% in hair volume and continues to poof up as time passes.

“The only thing for her to do is wait,” said CNN chief hair analyst, Paul Wainwright. “She’s probably reached maximum volume at this point – maybe her coat will get a bit fluffier – and her hair will return to normal in about a day or so. On the plus side, it’s certainly the softest it has ever been.”

Via roirnes.