Kitten Faces Lifetime Ban for Cuteness Enhancing Drugs

“CEDs are a scourge on our sport,” said Professional Cuteness Association commissioner Randall Spiers last year after signing a collective bargaining agreement with the player’s union that laid out harsh new penalties for those caught taking cuteness enhancing drugs. That’s why Spiers is today considering a lifetime ban for Ruby, a 3-month-old kitten who has allegedly been juicing since joining the league two months ago.

He wants to send a strong message to other cute animals considering cuteness enhancers.

Though Spiers is expected to formally announce Ruby’s punishment later this week, the league is said to have “mountains of evidence” against the cat.

“The real tragedy here is that she didn’t need it. She had so much natural talent,” said ESPN cuteness analyst Marissa Samgold. “Ruby could have been one of the greats.”

The cat is expected to appeal any suspension or ban.

Via Taylor Bennett.

PHOTO OP: Goofball

Via Ian_dressinblue.

Best New App for Kittens: Napchat

Move over Twitter, step aside Facebook, there’s a new mobile app that’s taking the “fluffy” market by storm: Napchat.

The latest social craze allows users to anonymously snap and send photos of napping animals.  It is reportedly very popular among kittens, who are using the app to share the best crash spots. That comes as a surprise to developers.

“We figured that anonymity would trump the desire to share information like location,” said Napchat founder Kolten Tenh. “We were wrong. We’re seeing many of our feline users turning location services on so that they can share popular napping spots with friends.”

The startup has raised $12 million in a Series A led by Union Square Venture, First Round Capital, Ashton Kutcher and Ron Conway. They plan to use the money to push into the dog and rabbit markets.

Via joesefineohrming.