Matt Silverman

If there’s one thing you wouldn’t expect to hear from a quiet suburban backyard at 2am, it’s polka music. But residents on the social network NextDoor have reported late-night accordion music blasting from Miller Place.

“I woke up to such a racket,” says Jeffrey Berger, a neighborhood resident. “It sounded like someone was being murdered. So I put on pants and ran down the street.”

Those screams were nothing more than the elated cries of dancing cats, getting down to the sweet sounds of polka.

“They had hired a one-man-band to play for hours,” Berger tells The Fluffington Post. “It was the middle of the night, and there are cats dancing everywhere.”

Berger was not the only concerned resident. At least a dozen posts on NextDoor alluded to the commotion, most asking what was going on, while others more irate.

“WTF is happening on Miller?” wrote one concerned citizen. “It sounds like Weird Al is being mauled by cougars!!”

The party has since dispersed, and no attendees could be reached for comment by press time.

via u/emoposer

Psychologists will tell you, most New Year’s resolutions start to fade around February or March. But not for one steadfast feline. When the clock struck midnight on December 31, 2020, Marty made a commitment.

“He decided it was time for an upgrade,” says Kate Heinz, Marty’s longtime life coach. “He’s been displaying at 1080p for the last 8 years. That’s fine for most cats. It’s HD.”

But in 2021, Marty went 2K.

“That’s a 1440p resolution,” says Heinz. “Not all the way to 4K. That would be too much of a leap. As I told him: Set attainable goals.”

And so far, Marty has held on to his native 2560×1440 resolution since that fateful day.

“It’s not easy,” Heinz elaborates. “That’s a lot of pixels. But I believe in Marty, and more importantly, he believes in himself.”

via place where cat shouldn’t be

It was just another day for Muffles, an area cat who enjoys squirrel watching, scratching his favorite armchair, and CrossFit.

That idyllic life ground to a halt when he discovered a new website.

“He stepped on the keyboard by accident,” says Walter Kratt, a source close to the situation. “It must have loaded a bookmark.”

The site in question is called This Cat Does Not Exist, and it uses artificial intelligence (specifically a generative adversarial network, or “GAN”) to create incredibly realistic images of cats that don’t exist in real life.

“Muffles refreshed the site a few times and … there he was,” Kratt explained, holding back some emotions.

Looking back from the Web browser was a picture of Muffles himself, down to every fine whisker.

“He’s freaking out right now,” says Kratt, who stepped in to support Muffles at this difficult time. “I mean, I’m pretty sure he’s real. He’s right here next to me. But being generated by AI puts a lot in doubt.”

Muffles himself could not be reached for comment, but his family says he’s taking the time he needs to come to grips with a new phase of his life.

Via This Cat Does Not Exist, by way of The Verge.