PHOTO OP: Bear Family
PHOTO OP: Bear Family
Polar Bear’s Snow Addiction Is ‘Out of Control’
In what is an all too familiar tale, celebrity polar bear cub Siku has fallen victim to the scourge of addiction. His substance of choice? Snow.
“The pressures of being a celebrity are just too much to, uh, bear for many young polar bear cubs. Sadly, they often turn to substance abuse,” explained certified bearologist Toby Park. “Snow is readily accessible where Siku lives.”
According to sources close to the situation, Siku plays in the snow almost every day.
“The stuff is basically free here,” said one insider who wished to remain anonymous. “And Siku has money, so he’s buying the white stuff by the pound. He’s out of control.”
On a serious note, it’s International Polar Bear Day! Celebrate by taking part in the “Thermostat Challenge,” and adjusting your thermostat up or down a few degrees (depending on where in the world you live) in an effort to lower carbon emissions and help save polar bears. Learn more at Polar Bears International.
PHOTO OP: Bear Eskimo Kiss
Via Tambako the Jaguar.
PHOTO OP: Halp, I’m Slipping!
Bear Cub Buys Private Island With Lottery Winnings
Johnny Depp has one. Richard Branson has one. Celine Dion has one. Tyler Perry has one. And now Winnifred the bear is also the proud owner of a private island.
The bear cub reportedly paid $3.7 million for a four acre island in Puget Sound, capping off a lavish spending spree after striking it rich with a Mega Millions ticket late last year.
“She plans on using it as a retreat for herself and her friends,” said real estate agent Vivian Harden. ”You know, to get away from the hustle and bustle of zoo life.”
Polar Bear Cubs Intend to Build Best Snowman Ever
Simon and Randy, two polar bear cubs from Fairbanks, AK, have been planning a major snow engineering project since Christmas. As soon as there is adequate snow cover on the ground and an extended streak of cold weather, the pair hope to put their plan into action.
“They’re planning to really put Fairbanks on the map,” said city councilwoman Anne Fitchker. ”I’ve seen the plans, and it is impressive.”
While neither Fitchker now the bears would release any more information about their snow art installation, The Fluffington Post has learned from sources familiar with the situation that Simon and Randy are planning to build a snowman of “at least 23 feet in height.” Weather permitting, they hope to complete the project by mid-March.
Panda Cub’s Future with NBA Uncertain
After a workout in front of scouts and coaches on Friday morning, basketball experts are saying that panda cub Xiao Liwu’s prospects of being signed by an NBA team have taken a step back.
“Xiao Liwu was definitely one of the most intriguing prospects in the game,” said ESPN analyst Mike Franco. ”But Friday’s workout did not go well. There’s no way to sugarcoat it.”
Insiders say that while coaches gushed over the 3-point shooting ability that first put Liwu on the world radar, they were unimpressed with his hand-eye coordination and inability to make strong moves inside. ”He still has a great outside game, but you have to be able to man up in the paint to play in the NBA,” said Franco. ”He just didn’t show that ability in front of the scouts.”
The panda is an unrestricted free agent after playing professionally in China last year.
Via The San Diego Zoo.
Reports of Living Room Bear ‘Greatly Exaggerated’
When authorities rushed to the scene of a bear sighting, the tipster — a dog named Charlie — was still on site.
“He was freaking out,” says animal control officer Max Reddy. “But his claims about a bear were greatly exaggerated. One of my guys had to explain that it was just a kid in a bear costume. He wasn’t buying it at first, but when she started singing Disney songs, he eventually figured it out.”
Happy Thanksgiving [COMIC]
At The Fluffington Post, we’re very thankful for Liz Climo and her incredible comics. We’re psyched to debut her latest here today. We hope it gets you in the holiday spirit and we’d like to wish all of our readers a very happy Thanksgiving!