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Notorious Catnip Dealer Convicted on 3 Counts

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Notorious Catnip Dealer Convicted on 3 Counts

After a five-year cathunt and four-month-long trial, the infamous criminal mastermind Ninja was convicted in superior court on two counts of selling illegal catnip and one count of money laundering.

“We’re very pleased that this menace to society is finally behind bars,” said the Jason Kemnitzer, the district attorney who prosecuted the case.

Ninja has been sentenced to five years hard labor at Lolcatraz Correctional Facility, though his attorneys said in a statement that they plan to appeal.

Submitted by Jenny Theolin, photo by James McKenzie-Blyth for LOLCAT – TEH EXHIBISHUN.

California Dog Locks In Halloween Costume Choice

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California Dog Locks In Halloween Costume Choice

There was a lot of hemming and hawing as Jackson went store to store, trying to decide on the perfect Halloween costume. Like many local residents, the pup tried on many get-ups before he finally settled on the right look.

“He’s a big fan of vintage cartoons,” says Larry Cockburn, a source close to the situation. “Also, he’s a dog. So, Underdog was a natural fit.”

The costume is so good, he’s already been mistaken for the superhero.

Submitted by Michael Moore.

Out-of-Work Pom Spends Most Days Watching ‘Ellen’

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Out-of-Work Pom Spends Most Days Watching ‘Ellen’

While the global economy is slowly recovering, some job seekers have simply given up. Jay, a Pomeranian mix from Victoria, BC, Canada, is among those who is overqualified for most of the positions on Craigslist.

Discouraged, he spends most of his day watching DVR’d episodes of Ellen DeGeneres’s daytime talk show.

“I won’t say it’s not depressing – it is,” says Rick Hepner, Jay’s roommate. “The guy just needs a kick in the pants. He’ll find something, I know it.”

Submitted by Karyn Stepien.

Yorkie Outlines 6-Point Plan for Peace in the Arab World

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Yorkie Outlines 6-Point Plan for Peace in the Arab World

A Rhode Island Yorkie named Bella can no longer sit back and read the upsetting headlines coming out of the Middle East. Compelled by the constant churn of unrest and violence in the Arab world, she has put forth a comprehensive plan to bring a lasting peace to the region, and aims to visit there next year.

“It’s a six-point plan unlike anything we’ve tried before,” says Javier Tippens of the United Nations Security Council. “It involves a lot of treats and belly rubs. Our analysis shows that insurgents, rebel groups and dictators alike would probably agree on these items. We’re hoping it will reveal some common ground.”

For now, Bella is hard at work learning Arabic. Sources close to her say she feels confident that learning the language is key to forthright conversation.

Submitted by Sara.

Cat Can’t Decide on Halloween Costume

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Cat Can’t Decide on Halloween Costume

Halloween is fast approaching. If you don’t have your costume pinned down by now, you might be in trouble.

Internet celeb Spangles the Cross-Eyed Kitty has certainly taken the task to heart. In the past two weeks, he’s tried on a variety of options, none of which quite fit the bill.

“He could go for the Pirate, but that’s been done a million times,” says Nester Garcia, Spangles’ wardrobe consultant. “Dino? Maybe. A cat trick-or-treating as a tiger – redundant or ironic? I’m not sure Spangles has what it takes to pull of an ironic look this far after Labor Day.”

Submitted by Mary.