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Cops Bust Squirrel for Reckless Driving

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Cops Bust Squirrel for Reckless Driving

Police in Somerville, MA have arrested a 2-year-old squirrel named Hank after receiving a report that he was driving erratically on Medford Street. Patrol cars attempted to pull the squirrel over, but he did not respond to the sirens, according to the police report.

“I called in some backup and we pinned his vehicle with a blockade,” says George Sevalis, the officer who made the arrest. “He didn’t seem to know or care that we were chasing him.”

There are no indications that Hank was driving under the influence, and he was not transporting anything illegal, though authorities did find a large cache of nuts in the trunk.

“He claims they’re his, and that he recently dug them up after the winter,” says Sevalis. “But we’re looking into it.”

Via Phaque1285

2016 Presidential Candidate Squirrel Tests Stump Speech

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2016 Presidential Candidate Squirrel Tests Stump Speech

The memory of the 2012 U.S. presidential election has barely had time to fade, but already political pundits have their eye toward 2016. Prospective candidates have started to raise money, form exploratory committees and test speeches.

When it comes to the 2016 field, everyone agrees that Barry the squirrel has a good shot to be the Republican nominee for president. 

The charismatic rodent from Florida has been testing his stump speech in Iowa and New Hampshire the past week, an indication, think many, that he intends to run for president.

“Barry has a lot going from him,” according to MSNBC analyst Jenna Gwin. “He’s young, he’s popular in a swing state and he’s already shown the ability to raise a lot of money.”

Barry’s press team released a noncommittal statement last week indicating that the squirrel has not yet made any plans for 2016.

Via Ajnagraphy.

Hamster Pianist Sells Out Lincoln Center

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Hamster Pianist Sells Out Lincoln Center

Though she only just announced her one-night-only performance at Lincoln Center in New York City, Missy the hamster has already oversold the venue, drawing classical music enthusiasts from around the region.

Her concert will feature Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2, and there is talk of a special guest appearance.

“I really hope it’s Yo-Yo Ma,” says Ashley DePalo, one of the lucky fans who scored tickets. “I saw them play together in Colorado Springs. It was amazing.”

Via Nehama Verter.

Hamster Rescued From Tiny Wastepaper Basket

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Hamster Rescued From Tiny Wastepaper Basket

Police in Highland Park, NJ responded to a 911 call early Sunday, rescuing a local hamster named Max, who had become trapped inside his own small wastepaper basket.

“He had gone in there to retrieve a crumpled up page of his manuscript,”  officer John Donelly tells The Fluffington Post. “Next thing he knew, he was clamoring to get out. It’s a good thing he was wearing his Bluetooth headset so he could call in the emergency. It was a typical 825,” says Donelly, referring to the police radio code 825: “Trapped Hamster.”

Via Ninithedreamer.

Guinea Pig Decides to Order In

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Guinea Pig Decides to Order In

According to reports, Urkel the guinea pig is planning to spend a quiet evening at home and order take-out, rather than go to the club with his friends.

“He decided to just take it easy, order some lettuce from his favorite salad delivery joint and maybe watch some Bones on Netflix,” said roommate Candace Meloy. “He’s just kind of outgrowing the party scene. This is more his speed.”

Via fasalfas.