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Cat Desperate to Upgrade From Flip-Phone

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Cat Desperate to Upgrade From Flip-Phone

by Anna Washenko, FluffPo Correspondent

For years, Whiskers the cat has resisted the siren song of the smartphone. Insisting that she doesn’t need to always be on Facebook and that keypad texting really isn’t so bad, she has held on to her first ever cell phone.

Roommate Josh Myles said the reason for Whiskers’ hesitance to upgrade might be the nature of modern smartphone interfaces.

“She tried to play with a music app on my tablet, once, but it turns out claws are pretty unreliable for a touch interface,” he explained. “Plus, I mean, the RAZR was a pretty awesome cell phone when she got it. But that was 2005. It’s time to let go.”

Myles thinks Whiskers may finally be pining for an upgrade, however.

“I walked by her on the computer last night and she was looking at the iPhone 6 website, purring,” he said.

Via JoshSemans.

CIA Cat Spy Outed on Wikileaks

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CIA Cat Spy Outed on Wikileaks

U.S. officials have confirmed that Zippo the cat is an employee of the United States government and has been recalled from his post in Libya for his protection. The cat, who it is believed was undercover for the CIA in Tripoli until last week, was outed in a declassified document published on Wikileaks on October 2. 

Officials will not confirm the accuracy of the document, or what the nature of Zippo’s business was in northern Africa. A spokesperson for the State Department – whom, experts say, could be running point on damage control to cover a blown CIA operation – said that the leaked document put the cat in danger regardless of its authenticity. 

Members of congress were outraged.

“It’s deplorable,” said a senior Senate aide. “Whoever leaked those documents must be found and brought to justice.”

Intelligence reform advocates were less black and white on the issue, however.

“Look, no one wants to put Americans overseas at risk,” said government spying expert Noah Metcalf, “but if the government is using kittens in covert intelligence operations abroad, the public has a right to know. I mean, if the CIA is doing this, you better believe the NSA is, too. What sort of danger might be lurking in our own homes? Maybe even in your lap right now.”

Via bastardo122.

Tiger Discovers He Does Not Like Pineapple

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Tiger Discovers He Does Not Like Pineapple

by Anna Washenko, FluffPo Correspondent

Though he was told by numerous friends that it was delicious, Stripes the tiger determined on Wednesday that he most certainly does not like pineapple.

“He’s used to the classic flavors of Indian cuisine, like tamarind and cardamom,” close confidante Padma Shah told The Fluffington Post. “He thought that he might like pineapple mixed with some red curry, but … no, he wasn’t a fan.”

Stripes has been trying to go vegetarian for health reasons, but friends don’t think that’s necessarily wise.

“He reads a lot on the Internet and he gets really into diets, but he’s fickle,” said Shah. “Last week it was Paleo, and he couldn’t get enough meat. Now he’s on the Engine 2 diet and it’s all plant-based foods. But I mean, he’s a carnivore, he’s supposed to eat meat. I don’t think this is healthy.”

Via explore.org.