kitties

A powerful feline wizard named Pancake is refusing to reverse a spell that turned all of the food in his town into tuna, according to residents.

“I had just dropped $150 at Whole Foods,” said James Watkins, who lives two houses away from Pancake. “I picked up some local organic peppers, artisanal, slow roasted salami, this really expensive cheese from France… and now it’s all just tuna. What am I going to do with $150 worth of tuna?”

Dr. Clara Barber, Senior Occult Correspondent at CNN, says there’s not much the town can do.

“Pancake is a level twelve wizard,” she told CNN host Kate Bolduan this morning. “When you have a cat that powerful, it’s almost impossible to reverse a spell. Unless maybe they can find a fourth degree iguana neuromancer. But I mean, good luck with that.”

Via nugget_pancake.

Via matsumotoooooo.

Abigail is the reigning queen of Halloween among her friends and co-workers. At least, she was.

“You can always count on Abigail to win the company costume contest,” says colleague Ron Simmons. “Last year she was Left Shark. The year before that, she was a chimichanga with actual, edible queso in her costume.”

But this year’s get-up has many friends baffled.

“It’s just a plastic bag. Is she supposed to be trash?” posits Tiffany Unger, Abigail’s roommate.

“Maybe she’s groceries,” says Ryan O’Toole, a longtime friend. “I don’t know.”

Abigail won’t reveal the theme of her costume, hoping instead that people will just “get it,” according to sources familiar with the situation.

“I guess it has some sort of political or environmental message,” O’Toole speculates. “I think she’s lost her edge.”

via @choyoungmi62

Via Tanya_QQ.

Security analysts at the University of Texas have reviewed the construction of Jinx’s pillow and sheet fort, and rated it an A+.

“It’s virtually impenetrable,” Dr. Geoffrey Zucker tells The Fluffington Post. “There’s no way you’re getting in there. And we know a thing or two about forts here in Texas. You know, because of the Alamo.”

The rating is based on a number of factors, including layout, materials, and overall visibility of entrances, exits and weak points.

“I’ve been reviewing the thing for 12 days, and I still have no idea how to get in or out,” says Dr. Lisa Childress, another UT analyst who concurred with the team’s rating. “That s**t is air tight,” she added.

via attigrib