cats

A local cat named Nala is terrified that she might be a cliché, according to friends. The cat reportedly can’t resist sitting in boxed, has twice scratched up a new couch, goes “bonkers” when she hears the can opener, and sleeps at least ninety percent of the day.

“She’s really concerned that she’s become rather unoriginal and boring,” said Astrid Kasongo, a close friend and confidant. “I think she’s fighting her own nature, though. She legit can’t stop herself from sitting in an open box.”

The cat worries that her rather banal behavior might hurt her lifelong aspiration to become a successful Broadway actress. 

“Stage producers are looking for a certain spark of originality that Nala knows is within her,” said Kasongo. “She’s just really worried they won’t be able to see if she shows up to an audition and immediately begins playing with her costars’ shoelaces and chasing laser pointer lights.”

Via nala_cat.

Via iklegemma.

New data from the Psychiatric Institute for Feline Health reveals a steady increase in cat anxiety over the last 10 years, though psychologists and researchers are unsure why.

“This could be a classic instance where better diagnostic tools have revealed cases that were always there,” says Dr. Richard Albrecht, a feline psychologist who as been studying anxiety disorders in cats for 20 years. “But I think there’s an environmental factor here too. Cats’ lives are busier and faster than ever. A lot of cats simply have trouble keeping up with a constantly connected world.”

But not everyone agrees.

“Have you ever met a cat?” asks Mary Tisdale, a woman leaving a Target parking lot who had a lot to say on the matter. “They are nervous wrecks, constantly jumping out of their fur at the slightest sound. I don’t think cat anxiety as increased. I think it’s as strong as ever!”

via @glamorous_creature

Yelp reviews for a bodega on 103rd and Broadway have hit an all-time low, according to a spokesperson for the consumer review site. Not just an all-time low for this specific bodega, but an all-time low site wide.

“I’ve been working here for five years and I didn’t even know you could give negative stars,” said Yelp consumer confidence team member Hillary Elliot. “People are really upset by this cat thing.”

The ‘cat thing’ Elliot is referring to is a purportedly terrible selection of cats at the bodega. A Fluffington Post audit of previous reviews of the bodega indicate that it never had a good cat selection, but when the store advertised a Buy One Get One special two weeks ago, reviewers lost it.

“This is [expletive deleted]!” wrote review SunshineBlvd50. “How can you offer a BOGO sale when you only have one freakin’ cat in stock! wtf!”

“I’m never shopping here again,” said sid-caesar-salad in another review. “I went in for a Gatorade, and that was fine. But then I see this amazing sale on cats and get all excited. But their selection is total crap! They wouldn’t give me a raincheck either. Don’t bother with this place.”

The bodega could not be reached for comment.

Via dilwalyhn.

Via ivankalastro.