cats

PHOTO OP: You Have No Power to Resist Me

Via mimishkino.

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Cat Wealth Guru Recommends Tuna Stock

by Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

Personal wealth guru Cheeto the cat has just released his annual “Hot Stocks” list, and Wall Street analysts are abuzz over one particular pick.

“I was not expecting tuna,” says Rick Nelson of CNBC. “That’s always been a high-risk sector. Wind energy and biotech would have been obvious choices. 3-D printing was huge this year. From a financial standpoint, this makes little sense.”

Some aren’t as skeptical.

“Look, Cheeto’s always been an oracle with investing,” says Bryan Canning of The Wall Street Journal. “When he pushed cardboard boxes as a Hot Stock in ‘07, people thought he was crazy. Now, of course, everybody has one. Only Cheeto could have foreseen that.”

Canning was also quick to clarify another unexpected pick – print media.

“Oh, he doesn’t think anyone will actually buy newspaper again,” says the market expert. “He really just likes to lay on it.”

Via Bmfrench.

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Cat Announces Major Advance In String Theory

by Anna Washenko, FluffPo Correspondent

Sophie, a cat from Boston, announced a new breakthrough in string theory. For years, she’s dedicated her life to studying advanced particle physics at MIT, with a focus on cosmic yarn threads. 

Her recent discovery is that a concentrated entanglement with high-quality yarn creates a quantum state of relaxation. 

While Sophie is confident that her discovery has moved physicists one big step closer to finding a unified theory of everything, the scientific community at large seems skeptical of whether relaxation and playtime could indeed be the solution to that elusive theory. 

“Sophie’s ideas about quantum relaxation are certainly original,” said Dr. Felix Baumer, a colleague at MIT. “However, I’m not sure if a human physicist will be able to replicate her study results. We’ll see what the data says.”

Via Ricky Buchanan.

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Cat Claims to Be Working, Actually Just Playing Candy Crush

When Fresno the cat called in sick to work on Monday, he told his boss it was because he had been up all weekend working on the TPS reports that were due midweek. Though there is some truth to that – he spent most of Friday finishing the reports – the real reason he hadn’t slept was a particularly difficult level of Candy Crush Saga. 

According to roommate Harvey Quinn, who spoke to The Fluffington Post because he wanted to “get back at Fresno for chewing up his iPhone charger cord,” the cat spent most of the weekend trying to beat level 181.

“He’s trying to get 3 stars on every cleared level,” explained Quinn, “so 181 is pretty hard. You need 65,000 points in 50 moves.”

Quinn said Fresno barely got any sleep and replayed the level hundreds of times.

“You could hear him meowing in frustration all weekend,” said Quinn. “I tried to get him to just watch a YouTube cheat video, but he refused. Something about wanting his victory to be sweet.”

Fresno could not be reached for comment.

Via itsjessecatsopolis.

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PHOTO OP: The Eyes Have It

Via themaxsociety.

Love animals as much as we do? Check out explore.org’s network of live puppy and kitten cameras.