animals

Cat Finds Long-Lost Sister on Fluffington Post

A Texas cat named Kelly was browsing this very website when she came upon the story of Vegas, a giant cat under investigation for manslaughter after a man was found dead beneath her.

“Her whole life, Kelly has been looking for her siblings from the litter she was taken from,” says Andrew Burhoe, a source close to the situation. “Today, she found one of them,” Burhoe explains, referring to the two cats’ identical markings.

Indeed, Vegas has roots in Texas, but until genealogists can get involved, it’s impossible to prove a family connection.

“That won’t be any time soon,” says NYPD detective Conrad Filo who is still investigating the manslaughter case. “We need to make sure Vegas isn’t a threat to society before they have an Oprah reunion, OK?”

Police: Southwest Corner of Mattress a Hotbed of Cat Gang Activity

By Mirandate, FluffPo Correspondent

Police have identified the southwest corner of the mattress as a “hotbed of cat gang activity,” Precinct Captain Scott Reddin said in a press release. The area is under surveillance, and citizens are asked to report any suspicious activity, such as loitering, snoozing, grooming, drooling, vomiting, or scratching.

“Cat gang activity is difficult to define,” warned Reddin, “since by definition, cat gang activity is actually inactivity. The public is advised to document any and all activity to our hotline or on our website. All tips are confidential!”

Captain Reddin also noted that cat gang activity in the area is predicted to temporarily decline on Sunday, when the sheets will be changed and the notorious Tuna4Lyfe crew will be forced to seek another base, likely somewhere under the couch. Then, the gang – suspected in several vandalism and loitering incidents – will likely regroup and get back to old tricks. Said Reddin, “Unfortunately, eliminating cat gang activity is an ongoing battle, and we must stay vigilant.”