animals

Cat Discovers Portal to Another Dimension

Theoretical physicists have long suspected that the universe we inhabit is merely one instance on an infinite spectrum of alternate realities, but science has yet to yield compelling evidence.

That changed Friday when a cat named Jules inadvertently stumbled on a portal to what researchers at MIT are calling “a time-space phase anomaly.”

“The dark matter readings we’re getting from the portal are like nothing we’ve ever seen,” says Dr. Richard Mundeck, an MIT physicist who has published multiple papers on the subject. “The traditional laws of physics break down behind the door – in some ways we predicted, and others we didn’t. We’re corresponding with our colleagues at CERN [in Switzerland] to see if they have any relevant data. But the more we study it, the more it looks like we’ve hit on a parallel dimension.”

As for Jules, he’s rather modest about his discovery.

“Pretty soon after he found the door, he had a snack, licked himself, and took a nap,” says Ellie Forrester, a friend of the cat. “He’s not nearly as excited as those science guys.”

Via Carrie.

Cat Can’t Decide Which Laundry Detergent to Buy

An unidentified cat was spotted in a New York City bodega late Wednesday evening experiencing what the store clerk described as a “panic attack” over laundry detergent.

“He came in and asked where the detergent was,” says Jesus Martinez, who was working behind the counter at the time. “I told him it was on the back wall. Paced back and forth for about an hour, like he couldn’t decide. Next thing I know, he’s curled up in a ball in the aisle. He just couldn’t handle the pressure of choice.”

Via Thegoddamnpatman.