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Dachshund Media Mogul Buys 12th Boat

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Dachshund Media Mogul Buys 12th Boat

Crusoe, the CEO and founder of Wiener Networks, Inc., has purchased his 12th seafaring vessel, according to Mediagazer.com. The titan of Dachshund broadcasting, publishing and digital news reportedly bought the new yacht for $12 million, angering some within the ranks of his companies.

“We’ve had a slew of layoffs in the last three years,” one broadcast producer tells The Fluffington Post on condition of anonymity. “Dachshund news isn’t what it used to be, and we’re struggling. What does this guy need 12 boats for? He should spend some of that money on employee benefits.”

Mr. Crusoe’s  office did not return our phone calls.

Submitted by Crusoe the Celebrity Dachshund.

Dog Prepares Early for Caribbean Vacation

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Dog Prepares Early for Caribbean Vacation

Chester, a chocolate lab from New York City, just put in for his first vacation in over a year. The dog is taking two weeks in January to visit the caribbean island of St. Barts and he’s very excited.

“He’s been wearing those damned goggles around the office for a week,” said Bruce Jacobs, his boss at the accounting firm where Chester works. “Ever since I approved the time off it’s been, ‘snorkeling this’ and ‘tanning that.’”

Jacobs said he understands that the pup is excited, and he deserves the vacation, but, “this is a place of business. He’s got take off those damn goggles.”

Via fauxbot5.

Area Cat Gives Up on Ikea Furniture Assembly

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Area Cat Gives Up on Ikea Furniture Assembly

When Simon the cat purchased the Eindgertål kitty tower from IKEA, he assumed assembly would be a snap. Unfortunately, when he tore into the box, he found that he was missing four of five screws necessary to finish putting it together.

“Allegedly. Allegedly they were missing,” said Kaley Akewu, Simon’s roommate. “I’m not sure I buy that story.”

According to Akewu, the cat insists that the box was just short a few of the screws and pegs needed to snap together the tower.

“But have you seen those things?” she said. “They’re like a kitty wet dream. I’m pretty sure Simon just couldn’t resist the urge to bat them around the house and lost a few of them under the couch.”

Regardless of wether Simon lost the parts due to uncontrollable feline instinct, or he was stiffed by IKEA, he’s reportedly given up on the project.

Via GigiAndFarre.