PHOTO OP: Derp Face
PHOTO OP: Derp Face
Puppy Stops to Smell the Flowers
After he turned three, Wrigley the dog decided he needed to slow things down. That’s why he’s literally stopping to smell the flowers these days.
“He was running around like crazy, sniffing everyone at the dog park, barking at everything. It was starting to take a toll,” said Sally Chee, an acquaintance of the pup. “That sort of lifestyle is fine when you’re one or two, but at a certain point you have to slow down.”
These days, Wrigley likes long, leisurely walks in the park and quiet games of frisbee on the beach with close friends.
Kitty’s Construction Business Mired In Red Tape
When Cecil the cat decided to launch a home contracting business, he had no idea what a bureaucratic nightmare it would turn out to be. Months after incorporating the business, he has yet to serve a single client. What’s the hold up? Licensing.
“In order to be licensed as a general contractor in this state, you have to meet certain requirements,” explained Todd Cranston, a spokesperson for the state board of licensing. “The fact that Cecil is a cat and lacks opposable thumbs is a real safety hazard.”
For his part, Cecil has vowed to keep trying.
“He’ll take this fight to the courts if he has to,” said Avery Moore, a close friend. “Cecil is a great contractor — he helped me redo my bathroom last fall — and there’s no reason the state shouldn’t let him.”
PHOTO OP: Blue Eyes, Pink Nose
Via Chung Ho Leung.
Birdie Singing Group Tries Out for ‘America’s Got Talent’
When America’s Got Talent, the nationwide, televised talent show, returns to NBC in June, a group of local finches hope that they’ll capture hearts around the country.
The area birds, who overcame adversity after growing up on the south side of the lawn, will showcase their a capella talents during auditions on the first episode of the season. Their story is so compelling that NBC has been using clips of the quartet to promote the show.
“These little birds could definitely have a break-out Susan Boyle-type moment,” said entertainment writer Sam Holder of Variety, referring to the opera singer whose audition on Britain’s Got Talent in 2009 shot her to international fame and fortune.
“They’re that good.”
PHOTO OP: Coolness
Ford Unveils New Kitten Dash System
At a press event on Tuesday, Ford Motor Company revealed its latest high-tech vehicle upgrade, a project it has kept a tight lid on for more than two years of development.
“We are thrilled to unveil a piece of proprietary technology we’re extremely proud of,” said Ford’s consumer relations head Malcolm Cherrywood on stage at the event. “The Kitten Dash System will change the way you drive.”
Cherrywood pulled a tarp off of the prototype and cued up a presentation on the screen above him. “How many times have you been cruising along, thinking to yourself, ‘I wish there was a kitten giving me directions up here’?” Cherrywood posed to the crowd. “Well Ford has heard your cries. The Kitten Dash System is an all-in-one GPS, AM/FM radio, Bluetooth enabled, touch-fur package that will get you where you need to go, or just provide some much-needed cuddles when you’re stuck in traffic.”
Cherrywood said the System will be available in all premium Ford vehicles by the fall of 2014.
Local Puppy Can’t Wait for Summer
School is almost out for Winnie, an area puppy who can’t wait for summer.
“She’s so excited about it,” said third grade teacher Mrs. Jenkins, “that Winnie actually turned in an essay called, ‘How I Plan to Spend My Summer Vacation,’ that wasn’t even assigned.”
According to the copy of the essay, obtained by The Fluffington Post, the dog plans to chase tennis balls, bark at the cat, roll in smelly stuff and dig a big hole under the porch.
Sounds like quite a summer.
PHOTO OP: Cross-Eyed Cutie