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Guinea Pig Pwns N00bs in ‘Halo 3’
A guinea pig with the Xbox Live handle PiggySmalls69 has been dominating Halo 3 online play for weeks.
“He lurks around matches where new players join in,” says Xbox player RancidBlaster. “He plays like a n00b for a while, then just turns around and frags everyone. His stats are ridiculous.”
Via slappy_jackson23.
Hamster Home Ownership Finally In Reach
A new study from the Federal Housing Administration finds that for the first time in the history of the administration, home ownership is realistic goal for a majority of the hamster population. New numbers indicate that because house prices have fallen so dramatically over the last three years, while hamster unemployment has stayed at a relatively low 5.6%, more hamsters are purchasing instead of renting.
“It’s a confluence of things,” says FHA researcher Barry Tompkins. "The hamster-based energy field is a growth area, meaning more high-paying jobs, coupled with low home prices and generous FHA interest rates for first-time home buyers.“
According to the study, a full 55% of hamsters will be home owners by the year 2015.
Via BrianWulfricPercival.
PHOTO OP: Gerbil Portrait Studio
Guinea Pig Folk Duo Faces Legal Battle
By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent
Simon & Garfunkel, the celebrated guinea pig folk duo, have seemingly hit a snag in their otherwise illustrious career. As luck would have it, another folk duo who also call themselves Simon & Garfunkel have come forward claiming fraud.
“It really came out of nowhere,” says Stu McElroy, Simon & Garfunkel’s manager. “We were all ready to go out on tour, and then we get this cease and desist order. The guys couldn’t believe it.”
In light of the development, Simon and Garfunkel are said to be seeking legal counsel. “We’re going to fight this,” says McElroy. “These guys can lie-la-lie all they want, but we’ll lay it down in court. Like a bridge over troubled water. Wait – yeah. Exactly like that.”
Via Cyberslayer.
Hamster Announces Run for President
At a sparsely attended public appearance outside a mall in Overland Park, KS a political newcomer named Dizzy the Hamster threw his exercise wheel into the race for President of the United States. Dizzy is running as an independent on an anti-vacuum platform that might resonate with hamster voters but will be a tough sell to the general public.
Though Dizzy has no prior experience in politics and has never held public office, his campaign is likely to be well capitalized due to his family sawdust fortune.
Via sammybingo.
