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Guinea Pig Cries Through Entire Sad Movie
A local guinea pig named Malcolm has reportedly cried through yet another rented movie. This, according to sources, is par for the course when it comes to Malcolm and movies over the past couple of months.
“Well, he just went through a bad break up,” said friend Tracy Bussler, “so everything sets him off. He should own stock in Kleenex. On the other hand, I have no idea why he keeps renting The Notebook.”
Via Castaway in Scotland.
Replays Show Squirrel Was Safe at Home
After reviewing tape from last night’s Forest World Series game between the Central Park Squirrels and the Yellowstone Chipmunks, star Squirrels third basemen Steve Fluffson appeared to actually be safe.
The squirrel was called out sliding into home plate in the fifth inning, a controversial call that got both managers out of their respective dugouts and would have given the Squirrels the lead at the time. The Chipmunks eventually won the game.
The two teams will meet for a game five tomorrow night in New York.
Via sammi_squirrel.
Hamster Lost in Replica Mario World for Hours
Horace the hamster is a glutton for adventure. He’s climbed Mt. Katahdin in Maine, he’s BASE jumped from the Perrine Bridge in Idaho and spelunked into the Cave of Swallows in Mexico. So when he was given a chance to explore a replica of the world from Super Mario Bros., he couldn’t resist.
Unfortunately for Horace, his GPS malfunctioned and he was lost in a confusing mess of pipes and blocks for nearly four hours.
“He took the wrong turn in level two and wound up in an underground world,” said Whitney Hazelhurst, a source close to the situation. "It was touch an go there for a bit when the fireballs started, but once he got through he got a ton of gold coins in the bonus area.“
Via massi2403.
Hamster’s Sexting Lands Him in Hot Water
Prominent hotel tycoon Mike the hamster caught flak from watchdog groups when nude photos of himself that he allegedly texted to a female employee were leaked on the Internet Friday.
“He should be an upstanding member of the business community. A role model,” says Beth Rutledge of the Chamber of Commerce. “This is really a disgrace.”
Via @jenz270.
Hedgehog Finally Watches ‘Honey Boo Boo’
By Scott Friestein, FluffPo Correspondent
Hercules the hedgehog had never been a fan of reality television. His friends, however, couldn’t stop talking about Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. The TLC series about child beauty pageant contestant Alana “Honey Boo Boo Child” Thompson has been a source of water cooler chatter since its premiere, with seemingly everyone in America having an opinion about it. Not wanting to be out of loop. Hercules had to tune in.
“At first, he wasn’t sure what he was watching,” says Preston George, a source close to the situation. “There were a lot of questions: Are these actual people? Is ‘go-go juice’ really a thing? Why am I watching this? That’s the appeal of the show, though. Like, is it just mindless entertainment, or rather a commentary on our society and values? Also, do people really eat spaghetti with ketchup? No one knows for sure, but I can tell you one thing – that hedgehog is hooked.”
Via Melloola.
