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STUDY: Kittens Healthier Than Soda

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STUDY: Kittens Healthier Than Soda

A 5-year study from the National Institutes of Health finds that kittens are much better for you than soda.

“Sodas are extremely high in sugar, whereas most kittens are sugar-free,” says Dr. Bertrand Oxmeyer, a lead researcher at the NIH who oversaw the study. “Consuming large quantities of sugar can lead to serious health problems – diabetes, obesity. By contrast, our study found that kittens are basically just adorable, and cause no adverse health effects.”

Critics of the study ask why the hell it took five years to figure this out.

Via Explore.org

Kitten Charged With Tail Assault

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Kitten Charged With Tail Assault

An area kitten has been arrested and charged with first-degree tail assault after nibbling ferociously on his father’s hindquarters.

“It was really shocking,” says Stacy Powers, who witnessed the incident first-hand. “That kitten came out of nowhere and went right for the tail. The cat never stood a chance.”

Police have not released the name of the kitten, as he is a minor.

Via trevor_magilister.

Area Cat Self-Conscious About Muffin Top

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Area Cat Self-Conscious About Muffin Top

KoKo, a 3-year-old cat from Lewiston, ME, is generally a confident guy. But when he settles into his favorite Tupperware, he takes on some body-image issues.

“It’s the ‘muffin top,’ ” says Randy Faulkner, a close friend. “That little pudge that pops over the side of your pants – or in KoKo’s case, a take-out food container.”

Sources say KoKo is trying to shed a few pounds, but many believe he’s simply sitting in containers that are way too small.

“He always looks great, just not when he’s squeezing into a GladWare SandwichSaver,” says Faulkner. 

Submitted by Carrie Calabrese.

REPORT: Cat’s Dreams Are Best Yet

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REPORT: Cat’s Dreams Are Best Yet

The Washington Post is reporting that a local cat is having the best dreams of her life.

“Unfortunately, we don’t yet have the technology to determine what the dreams are about,” sleep psychologist Dr. Francois Gerber told the Post. “But we’re pretty confident they are awesome.”

Via araptor55.