kitties

Cat Can’t Sleep Because of All the Racket

A local cat named Fluffy (above right) has filed a noise complaint with the university housing office about his college roommate. 

“Fluffy has two roommates, Chaz and Brando,” explained mediator Sarah Davis. “Chaz is fine – he mostly just sleeps – but Brando is a big problem, according to Fluffy.”

The complaint alleges that Brando is up at all hours making noise, which has made it difficult for Fluffy to concentrate on schoolwork. Brando doesn’t deny any of the claims.

“He basically thinks, ‘It’s college, deal with it,’” said Davis. “But that’s not how we operate. We put academics first at this institution.”

The university is expected to move Fluffy to a new room next week and place Brando on probation.

Via WarzauWynn.

Kitten Lifeguard Admits She Can’t Swim

In a shocking revelation made exclusively to The Fluffington Post, a spokesperson for kitten lifeguard Lilly claims she never learned how to swim.

“Lilly deeply regrets any miscommunication about her job duties,” says Turner Knowlton. “When she was hired, everything just happened so fast. She didn’t have a chance to inform pool officials that she’s not the strongest swimmer.”

Community members, however, are outraged.

“It’s a major safety issue,” says Candice Jiminez, a local resident. “When our kids swim in the pool, we need to know they’re being looked after. The town needs to start vetting these employees more thoroughly.”

Via McSandwichMaker.

Daring Cat Sits in Box

They told him he couldn’t do it. They told him it couldn’t be done. They told him he was crazy. But Willy the cat proved all the haters wrong this morning when he successfully sat in a box.

After years of training, months of meticulous planning and weeks of hype, Willy risked it all on Tuesday morning when he climbed into an empty cardboard box in the kitchen and sat down. The daredevil cat sat in the box for a good 45 minutes, drawing a relatively large crowd onlookers. 

“He even napped for a bit,” said one bystander, though that report remains unconfirmed.

After climbing out of the box, Willy stretched, was examined by his medical staff, and was cleared to go lie in the sunspot in front of the sink.

Via moonxxx.

9 Pictures of This Ridiculously Cute Cat Napping

That’s all.

Via arcane_eyes.

Kitten Wrestling Match Ends in Nap

A kitten wrestling match broadcast live on Pay-Per-View television last night ended disappointingly in a stalemate when both competitors fell asleep.

“This actually isn’t all that uncommon for kitten wrestling,” said feline sports analyst Chuck Winooski. “I’d say probably 50% of the matches end in one or both competitors napping. I’m honestly not sure what made us think this would be a good sport.”

Via Sonti Molonti.