hamsters

Hamster Runs Up $5,000 Long Distance Bill

According to sources, a sneaky little hamster in Shreveport, LA has run up a $5,000 long distance phone bill on a phone he didn’t own.  

“It’s mostly calls to the Czech Republic and Botswana,” said a source close to the situation.  "He has relatives in Botswana, but I have no idea why he was calling Eastern Europe.“ 

The hamster has agreed to pay down the bill by working the charges off slowly doing chores.  Because hamster earning potential is so low, working off his debt will likely take him the next 4-5 years.

Via Louisa Krisanti.

Hamster Demands Butter and Salt for Corn

An Indonesian hamster named Wiko has staged a non-violent protest that’s quickly garnered worldwide support. The #OccupyCorn movement expresses outrage that Wiko be served plain old corn, without any of the fixins that make it so delicious – chief among them, butter and salt.

“Maybe the fat cats on Wall Street can afford butter and salt, but where does that leave Wiko?” asked a protester at a rally in Jakarta.

Sources close to the situation say that Wiko refuses to eat the corn until his demands are met.

Via Widi R. D. Darmadi.

Analysts: A Hamster in Hand Worth Two in Bush

An increasing number of researchers agree that having a hamster in hand is twice as valuable as having two in the bushes.

“If you’re holding one hamster, it’s a known quantity,” says Richard Voakes, an analyst with the Hamster Institute of America. “Sure, two in the bush will give you more hamsters, but who knows where they are or if you can catch them? You’ll save more time focusing on the one you’ve already got.”

Via @sonitan_oneisan.

Hamster Blows Lottery Winnings on Pastries

Millicent, a hamster from Surprise, AZ, won $50 on a lucky scratcher last week and has reportedly spent her entire windfall on what appears to be a year’s supply of baked goods.  "We tried to get her to put some of it away, maybe buy a little Apple stock,“ says one friend, "but her sweet tooth got the better of her.”

According to sources, Millicent appears content with her decision.

Via donebythehandsofabrokenartist.