hamsters

Baby Hamster Builds Own Internet With a ‘Series of Tubes’

Fed up with all the debauchery she found on the Internet, a baby hamster named Cece decided to take matters into her own hands…er, paws…er, whatever hamsters have.

“She heard somewhere that the Internet was made of a series of tubes,” says Hugh Enders, a source close to the situation. “And Cece was like, ‘Tubes, I have those!’ ”

She immediately got to work building her own network. Forty-eight hours later, her localized Internet is able to access a few sites (water bottle, exercise wheel) with speeds that average around 56 Kbps.

“Still, it’s better than Comcast,” says Enders.

Via G Travels.

Hamster’s Party Is Sparsely Attended

Tucci the hamster had everything laid out for a rocking celebration: balloons, streamers, sunflower seeds, a completely full water bottle and a killer Spotify playlist.  But she lacked one crucial element: guests.

According to reports, only a handful of people showed up to Tucci’s soiree, which she had the misfortune of scheduling on the same day as two other people in her building were also throwing parties. 

“She was understandably crushed,” said friend Alan Toles. “But then once the music started, she got over it.  It may have only been three of us, but we closed her living room down.”

Via Vale.

Hamster Hypnotist Wows Audiences

By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent

A new talent has begun making the rounds on the hypnosis circuit, and the reviews have been stellar. Billed as the first – and so far only – hamster hypnotist, the Great Chubbinsky combines old-fashioned showmanship with a signature sense of humor to create a one-of-a-kind act.

 "I was pretty skeptical at first,“ says Fred Staples of Appleton, WI. "But it’s been three weeks now and I have yet to touch a cigarette. I tell you, that hamster’s a miracle worker.”

Via Victoria Belanger.

Hamster Cupcakes Are a Hit for Local Bakery

Move over, Cake Boss. A bakery in Long Beach, CA is now serving live hamsters in cupcake foils, and they’re selling like…well, hotcakes.

“They’re not for eating, of course,” says Lenore Hooley, the second-generation owner of Hooley’s Baked Goods. “That would be horrifying. We’re just trying to give these little guys a good home. People come in for babka and they just fall in love.”

Via Miss Shari.