cats

Cat Sets New Record in ‘Halo: Reach’

Gracie, a cat from Portland, OR, set a house record in Halo: Reach today, completing the game alone in just under seven hours.  According to sources, she immediately took a celebratory nap.

“She’s really psyched about Halo 4 in November,” said housemate Tony Walker.  "Gracie’s played back through the entire series.  She even mastered the Halo theme song in Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock.  She’s a huge fan.“

Via Geecy.

Local Cat Furious About Something

Details are still sketchy, but reports indicate that a local feline is extremely upset.  What prompted her outrage is still unknown at this time.

“It could be any number of things,” said a source with knowledge of the situation.  "My bet is that she’s angry about the jailing of Russian punk bank, Pussy Riot, though. She’s a huge fan of both punk music and freedom of speech.“

The Fluffington Post will update this story as details emerge.

Via khanb1.

Vintage Cat Toys Are Not to Be Played With

Give most cats a toy (or crumpled up piece of paper) and they’ll bat it around the room for hours.  But not so for Franny, a kitten from Queens, NY.  Franny is the proud owner of one of the largest vintage cat toy collections in the five boroughs.

“They just don’t make toys like that anymore,” said close friend Annibel Torres.  "The craftsmanship, the coloring, the lead paint –  okay, maybe not so much the lead paint.  But you just don’t find toys with that quality these days.“

However, those toys are to be enjoyed from afar; they’re not to be played with.  "Franny doesn’t really let anyone touch her collection,” confirmed Torres.  "You can look at them on the shelf all day long, but try to play with that Incredible Hulk figurine and she’ll claw your eyes out.“

Via MT_Vittle_Me.

Kitten Finishes Doctoral Thesis

After nearly three straight months of work, Jack the kitten has put the finishing touches on his doctoral thesis. The paper explores the relationship between socio-economic status and overall health, and will be reviewed by professors at Princeton University this fall.

“He just crashed as soon as he finished it,” says Cody Brinks, a friend. “I told him not to have all those energy drinks, but he wouldn’t listen.”

Via cranberrycocktail.

Black Cat Study Shows Decline in Bad Luck

Statisticians at Ohio State University have crunched 20 years of data on black cats and misfortune. What they’ve found is a steady decline in the correlation between bad luck and path crossing.

“20 years ago, if a black cat crossed your path, you were pretty much doomed,” says Kip Schuster, who led the study. “These days, the results are pretty negligible.”

A black cat in 2012 conveys nearly the same bad luck as a pineapple – “basically zilch,” says Schuster.

While the researchers are confident in their findings, they’re at a loss to explain the decline.

“Global warming? I don’t know,” says Schuster.

Via LeBrun.