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BREAKING: Living Dinosaur Spotted in Chicago

The triceratops, a dinosaur from the Cretaceous Period thought to be extinct for at least 65 million years, may be alive and well in Chicago, IL. Numerous residents there claim they’ve seen the dino in an apartment complex.

“Three horns, scaly neck thing – yep, it was definitely a triceratops,” says Maggie Oswald, an area resident who spotted the beast on Monday evening. “It had huge claws and was tearing up the furniture. I’ve never seen a creature behave like that. Truly prehistoric!”

Paleontologists from Chicago University are enroute to the scene.

“We need to get blood samples, check the DNA and monitor its behavior,” says Dr. Randy Sniderman. “We have no idea how this creature could possibly be alive. It’s a real Jurassic Park scenario.”

The Fluffington Post will keep you updated as this story develops.

UPDATE: It’s just a cat in a dinosaur costume. We regret the error.

Captain Pancakes, submitted by Gracie Hagen.

Kitten Apologizes for Obscene Outburst

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Kitten Apologizes for Obscene Outburst

A kitten named Mitzy issued a public apology on Wednesday after a video of her expletive-laden outburst went viral on YouTube.

“Mitzy deeply regrets her public meltdown, and offers a sincere apology to the families – especially the children – whom she offended,” says Conrad Stilhoffer, the kitten’s publicist. “She wants you to know that she was just having a bad day. And while that does not excuse the behavior, she hopes you’ll understand.”

At the time of writing, the video has been viewed 14 million times, and will likely be a black mark on Mitzy’s reputation for some time.

“We hope that when you think of Mitzy, you don’t think of this unruly behavior, but of her other accomplishments, like bringing you that dead field mouse or not puking in your shoes,” said Stilhoffer. It’s unclear what – if any – ramifications this might have on her future professional prospects.

Via drowninginair.

Kitten Cries Foul in Xbox Gaming Tournament

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Kitten Cries Foul in Xbox Gaming Tournament

A kitten named Suzie has filed a formal complaint with officials at the Halo 4 World Championship Tournament after a scuffle with another player.

“She claims a competitor pulled the controller from her paws while she was playing,” says Robert Seneca, who has taken up the inquiry. “It was right as she was about to make an epic kill, too. We’re looking into it.”

The World Championship brings together the top ranked Halo players for an all-out death match ladder tournament. Reports indicate that Suzie was a favorite to win the top bracket, an honor that comes with $20,000 in prize money and the potential for lucrative endorsement deals.

“You can understand why she’d be so upset over sabotage like this,” says Seneca.

Via Meeko94.