Area Cat Is All In

Sources on the scene indicate that after a night of gambling, Jonesy the cat has gone all in. The kitty has reportedly had an up and down night at the table, a few times being the chip leader while at other times being one hand away from losing it all.

This latest move could ruin the cat or put him in at a decisive advantage.

“To be honest, I’m not sure he even knows what game we’re playing,” said dealer Cheryl Chiang, who managed the table for two hours last night while Jonesy was playing. “I’m relatively certain he doesn’t speak Chinese.”

Via sodajune.

Local Dog Tests Positive for Cute

A local Corgi pup named Smalls has tested positive for cute. Friends suspected something was up with the puppy when he started to get extremely adorable late last week.

“We were really worried,” recounts Susan Wu. “We were sure it was something serious.”

Doctors say that while cute sounds scary, it’s nothing to fear.

“Smalls’ case of cute is most likely chronic,” said family veterinarian Dr. Angus Doubleday. “It’s distracting, but harmless. I think everyone should just enjoy it.”

Via sindy.