PHOTO OP: Boop!
PHOTO OP: Boop!
Dog Makes Fortune in Kitten Supply Chain Logistics
It may not be the most glamorous job, but someone’s got to move kitten freight around the world efficiently, and according to a number of inside sources, the profession is lucrative.
Co-workers of a dog named Stella tell The Fluffington Post that the canine easily pulls down a six figure salary, thanks to her unique ability to optimize kitten supply chain logistics.
“She streamlined the whole cargo transfer operation,” says Ron Keller, who runs freight intake at a warehouse that benefits from Stella’s proprietary systems. “Kittens come in, we load them onto trucks, ship them right out to loving homes. No middle man, no delays, no overages.”
Keller explains that before Stella came on, it would often take them twice as long to package feline freight. “It’s so much more efficient now, and we pass the savings on to the customer. Everybody wins.”
PHOTO OP: I’m in the Car!
Dog’s Garden Grows Faster than Anticipated
When Zoe the dog planted her flower garden a few weeks ago, she assumed it would be a lot of watering and tending before she got any results. She was shocked at how quickly the plants have grown.
Though nothing has yet bloomed, her garden is far ahead of any other in her neighborhood in terms fo growth.
“They went from little seedlings to basically over her head in no time,” reported Donna Kalish, a fellow member of the local gardening club. “We all wanted to know her secret, but Zoe claims she doesn’t know what made the plants grow so fast. I think she’s just being coy.”
Puppy Has Best First Week of Work Ever
Pugsly, a dog from Redmond, WA, recently completed his first week at his new job as a QA tester for the Windows division at Microsoft last week. How was it?
“The best!” reports roommate Willard Franco. “Between the numerous cafe and restaurant options, the on-site organic spa, the Xbox-equipped lounges, the frisbee and soccer fields, the wifi everywhere, and the flexible schedule, he was on cloud nine.”
Pugsly also apparently joined photography and archery clubs during his first week, took care of his dry cleaning, and spent some time in the on-campus gym.
“It really sounds like summer camp,” said Franco. “But I guess he got a lot of work done, too.”
The best part, though, says Franco, is that the building Puglsy works in is dog-friendly.
“It could have been awkward, otherwise.”
PHOTO OP: Fox Family Outing
Doggie Bandits Make Clean Getaway
By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent
According to reports, a family of dogs known as the Tennessee Mutts are still at large after robbing a local Petco. The career criminals and golden retrievers have become notorious in the greater Dallas area for their brazen thefts, mostly involving rawhide.
Witnesses say the dogs entered the store around noon, cleverly disguised as employees.
“I really didn’t think much of it at the time,” says Gina Rudd. “But then people started shouting, ‘Get those dogs!’ Apparently they’d taken all the rawhide. But they were just too quick.”
Authorities tell The Fluffington Post that the Mutts snatched around $500 worth of treats before driving off in a rented Ford F150.
“We’re telling everyone to be on the lookout,” says Deputy Sheriff Roy Hardwick. “If you see a family of golden retrievers randomly hanging out in the bed of a pickup truck, please contact the local authorities. Do not, and I repeat, do not Instagram it — you’ll only encourage them.”
PHOTO OP: Vacation
Puppy Whispers Secret to Mom on Mother’s Day
At least three eye-witnesses claim to have seen an Akita puppy named Branca whisper a secret in her mother Yuki’s ear this morning.”
“I assume it was Mother’s Day-related,” says Jeff Korman, who saw it all go down. “Maybe it was ‘I love you,’ or maybe something like ‘You’re the best, mom.’ But, I wasn’t close enough to get a read on it.”
Friends of the dogs say the two are planning to have brunch this morning and then catch an afternoon showing of the new Leonardo DiCaprio film The Great Gatsby.
Via Leonardo Bighetti.