Hamster Boosts Producivity With ‘Yes’ Button
by Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent
As any procrastinator knows, even the simplest project can be delayed by indecisiveness. Knowing that full well, Carl the hamster tries to make things easier by investing in a “yes” button.
"It’s literally just a button that says ‘yes,’" says Paul Brandt, a friend. "He keeps it at his desk, and looks at it when he’s not sure about doing something. It’s really made all the difference."
Indeed, Carl is now more productive than ever.
"I haven’t sen him on his wheel in weeks," says Brandt. "I think he realized that it was only slowing him down, as ironic as that is. He’s written five blog posts, two short stories and a third of a screenplay - and that was just last week."
Things have picked up so much for Carl, he’s now considering the unthinkable.
"He told me he wants to delete his Facebook," says Brandt. "I don’t think he’s going to — at least, I hope he doesn’t. He’s already making me look bad."
Via Phyllis Buchanan.
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Neighbors Complain About Hamster House
Police have responded to noise complaints at the home of one JC the hamster seven times in the past two weeks and have issued him four citations for disturbing the piece.
Other residents of Baker Street, where the hamster resides, describe the small rodent as easy going.
"He was never a problem until these past couple of weeks," said one neighbor, Alan Fleischmann. "I know he’s a hamster, but he was always quiet as a mouse."
Then JC got a wheel.
"That damn wheel," said Mary Blevins, who lives next door. "He’s always on that goddamn wheel. Squeak, squeak, squeak. It never stops."
Police indicated that JC has agreed to try WD-40, but if that doesn’t work, they’ll be forced to confiscate the wheel.
Hamsters Find Lasting Love on Tinder
The much-maligned mobile dating app Tinder isn’t all superficial judgement and random hookups. There are a handful of success stories like that of Mike and Abigail — two hamsters who found a real connection.
"Abigail was just swiping through a bunch of losers last weekend," says Hannah Pohl, a girlfriend of the love-struck rodent. "Then she spotted Mike’s profile. What a hunk!"
She indicated her interest, and before she knew it, the couple was taking a romantic walk around the living room in a giant plastic sphere.
"They hit it off right away," says Pohl. "They’re even talking about moving in together."
Hamster Gives Up on New Year’s Resolution
Just three months into 2014, a local hamster named Phillip has abandoned his New Year’s resolution to get off the couch and get fit.
"He struggles with willpower sometimes," says Mary Cambridge, a friend of the unmotivated rodent. "It’s like, why would he expend all that energy running around in a transparent ball when there are 9 seasons of X-Files to watch on Netflix?”
The bags of sunflower seeds in Phillip’s pantry aren’t helping either, according to sources close to the situation.
PHOTO OP: Little Hamster, Big World
Via k.s.h. photography.
Hamster Rests After Successful Art Opening
Keller the hamster celebrated a successful gallery show in New York City yesterday by taking a well deserved nap. The artist had a frantic week leading up to his first big show and slept little, said friends, but all that stress was worth it.
"He sold six paintings and scored two commissions," said gallery owner Bailey Stanton.
The show also drew rave reviews from art critics at New York Magazine, The New York Times, and The Village Voice. Keller is currently planning a second show later this year in Los Angeles.
Hamster Wins Xbox Tournament
Microsoft isn’t the only big winner in the world of Xbox this past week. The company announced record revenue on Thursday, in large part fueled by robust sales of its Xbox One and Xbox 360 entertainment consoles.
But the real big winner in Xbox world this week may be Grizz the hamster (gamertag: Hambone37). Grizz won a huge Halo: Spartan Assault tournament, sponsored by Mountain Dew.
And that’s just the latest achievement in a month full of them.
"He’s on fire recently," said Brigit Thomas (gamertag: Sunshine Brigade). "Hambone has been untouchable. It’s really been unprecedented."
All told, Grizz has won seven tournaments since the start of the year, and taken home winnings totally $47,500 (though much of that is the 2014 Toyota Tundra he won at a tournament in Las Vegas during CES).
PHOTO OP: Handful of Hamster