Hamster Prepares for First Space Mission to Mars

Yamster Hightower, a hamster from Brooklyn, NY, will attempt to become the first hamster to orbit Mars when his space capsule launches from Houston, TX on Thursday.

The capsule will take nine months to reach Mars.  Once there, the plan is for Yamster to orbit the planet four times, taking a number of photographs and atmospheric readings, and then use Mars’ gravity to slingshot back toward earth. 

Yamster is reportedly excited for the mission after two false starts earlier this year.

Via angusmci.

PHOTO OP: Ham and Cheese

Via Victoria Belanger.

Hamster Home Ownership Finally In Reach

A new study from the Federal Housing Administration finds that for the first time in the history of the administration, home ownership is realistic goal for a majority of the hamster population.  New numbers indicate that because house prices have fallen so dramatically over the last three years, while hamster unemployment has stayed at a relatively low 5.6%, more hamsters are purchasing instead of renting.  

“It’s a confluence of things,” says FHA researcher Barry Tompkins.  ”The hamster-based energy field is a growth area, meaning more high-paying jobs, coupled with low home prices and generous FHA interest rates for first-time home buyers.”

According to the study, a full 55% of hamsters will be home owners by the year 2015.

Via BrianWulfricPercival.

Hamster Becomes Youngest Rodent Admitted to Mensa

Abel, a hamster from Wilmington, DE, has been recognized as the youngest rodent ever admitted to Mensa, the international organization for those that score in the top two percent on a standardized intelligence test.  The two-year-old hamster reportedly has an IQ of 164, and is able to consistently press the red lever for food while avoiding the green lever, which produces an unpleasant puff of air.

Abel is planning to attend Phillips Exeter Academy in the fall.

Via MalihaBhugalee. 

PHOTO OP: Hammy in Hand

Via Aenigmamus.

Hamster Film Critic Gives “The Avengers” Two Thumbs Up

After breaking box office records for the biggest opening weekend, superhero flick “The Avengers” continues to impress critics and fans alike.

Dallas Morning News film critic (and adorable hamster) Phil Calloway finally got to see it, and has given the blockbuster his stamp of approval in this morning’s paper.

“He came back to the office and couldn’t stop smiling,” says Gabe Newman, Calloway’s editor at the News. “He really loves that super powers stuff.”

Via suetshefa by way of Hamstagram.

Hamstronaut Makes Contact With International Space Station

NASA is reporting that the capsule containing Maj. Tom Hamstein has succesfully docked with the International Space Station as of 10:25 p.m. Cape Canaveral time. The hamster will be the first of his kind to board the station, and plans to conduct experiments on cheek capacity in low-gravity environments.

Via @sonitan_oneisan.

Hamster Cheats at Beer Pong Championship

Todd, an unranked hamster out of Ball St. University, drew suspicion when he came out of nowhere on Saturday to reach the final match of the National Collegiate Beer Pong Championship.  Critics became wary of Todd when his aim actually began to improve as he moved into the 4th and 5th rounds of the double elimination tournament.

“No hamster of that size can do what he did without some sort of funny business,” said a fellow competitor.  Competition organizers eventually suspended Todd after finding that he’d be filling his cups with apple juice the entire time.

Via JSitthi.

PHOTO OP: Hamster In a Cookie Tin

Via tuxdriver.