Cat Springs for 52” TV

With the return of Sunday Night Football fast approaching, local kitty Sergeant Snuzzlekins was in the market for a new TV.

“Last year we watched all the games on a 15” black and white set we got at a garage sale,” said roommate Ben Thompson.  ”It got the job done, but our friends never wanted to come over.  So this year, Snuzzy and I decided to go all out.”

According to Thompson, he and Snuzzlekins went to Best Buy over the weekend and after debating for a few minutes, decided to spring for a 52” Samsung LCD model that was on sale.  They’re looking forward to breaking it in this Sunday when the Broncos take on the Steelers. 

And yes, all their friends are coming over.

Via Major Clanger.

PHOTO OP: Angry Cat

Via narudee.

Paranoid Kitty Convinced Tinfoil Keeps the Government Away

Olive, a cat from Astor Place, North Carolina, is convinced that someone is out to get her and that tin foil is the best way to keep herself safe. 

“We thought it was a joke at first,” says family friend Tina Jameson. “She’d make these tin foil hats that were supposed to protect her brainwaves from the government.  It was funny.  But then she started covering the whole house in foil, and we realized it wasn’t a joke to her.”

Friends say Olive’s erratic behavior began recently, but has rapidly gotten worse.  The folks in the unmarked black van outside of Olive’s house would not comment for this story.

Via jadepearli.

Kitten Implicated In Financial Malfeasance

Julliet, the kitten CEO of hedge fund Cuddle Capital, LP, has been accused by the SEC of short-selling toxic assets based on insider information.

“We’re not at liberty to disclose all the details of this investigation, and no arrests have been made,” Connor Black, an SEC spokesperson, said at a press conference on Sunday. “But this is a very serious matter, and we will be taking every step to ensure that kittens who engage in financial collusion pay the appropriate penalty.”

Via Pacificat Ragdolls.

PHOTO OP: What’s So Funny?

Via ehpien.

Camouflage Cat Is Watching You

Sources outside of Lima, Peru have reportedly spotted a mysterious cat lurking in the jungle and watching people from afar.  Authorities caution that the cat blends in very well with his surroundings and is extremely difficult to see.  They do not, however, believe he is dangerous.

Via angela7dreams.

East Village Cat Just Wants to Take Some Time Off

A cat living la vie bohème on New York’s Lower East Side just wants to take some time to concentrate on her art, according to friends.  Maybe do some acting, maybe make a film, maybe write some poetry.  She’s also considering a move to the Williamsburg neighborhood of Brooklyn to work in a coffee shop for a little while.  

Via swanky.

Kitten Causes a Scene at Local Department Store

Raffiki, a kitten from Manchester, United Kingdom, caused a scene at a local store after being told that there were no returns on the shoe she had just purchased.  Reportedly, the angry kitten had purchased a shoe earlier in the day from the sale section of the store, only to suffer from a bit of buyer’s remorse when she later realized that the footwear was comically too large for her petite paw.

“She should have tried the shoe on before leaving the premises,” said a store manager. “All sales of discount items are final.  No returns.”

Via jackhynes.

Cat Crashes Pro Soccer Match, Scores Zero Points

A cat took to the field during Monday’s Liverpool-Tottenham Hotspur fútbol match, but failed to score any points. In fact, he neglected to even kick the ball.

Many sports analysts agree that this cat kinda sucks at soccer, despite his exorbitant salary.

Via Deadspin by way of Brian McCullough.