PHOTO OP: First Family Photo
PHOTO OP: First Family Photo
Daring Bunny Thief Eats Neighborhood Lettuce
A furry thief is on the loose in Tompkins County, CT. Witnesses say a bunny has been munching lettuce plants in gardens across the area, decimating as many as twelve backyard gardens over the past three days.
“That little rascal ate my prized European Rogue d’Hiver romaine heirloom,” said Nancy Phillips, whose garden was ravaged by the fluffy menace. “I’ll have to start my seeds all over again!”
The police think the culprit might be a rabbit named ‘Peter’ who hasn’t been seen at his job in over a week. Their working theory is that these lettuce thefts are actually a rehearsal for a more daring heist involving Mr. McGregor’s prized carrots.
Ferret Cast in ‘Hangover’ Sequel
By Scott Friedstein, FluffPo Correspondent
The Hangover Part III may be hitting theaters later this month, but that hasn’t stopped studio executives from planning yet another sequel. Early word is that The Hangover: Ferrets has already been greenlit, and its lead actor cast.
“We really wanted Part III to be the last one” says producer Daniel Goldberg. “The thing is, the demand for ferret comedies is huge right now. We’d be dumb to pass up an opportunity like this.”
The film will star Hollywood heavyweight Eddie as a ferret who parties a bit too hard one evening, and must retrace his steps to find his missing ferret buddy.
“It’s a real nightmare situation,” says Goldberg. “His friend’s gone, his hotel suite’s trashed, and there’s a Bengal tiger just roaming around. Plus there’s a baby ferret that randomly showed up overnight. Never a good thing.”
Rated R for language and comic mischief involving ferrets, The Hangover: Ferrets is slated for a summer 2014 release.
PHOTO OP: Cat Stretch
Chloe, submitted by Hope Dixon Clinard.
Notorious Puppy Gang Finally Behind Bars
After an epic crime spree that spanned two months and three states, the puppy gang known as Wolf Pact has been apprehended in Texas, according to authorities there. Sources on the ground say the Pact was holed up in a shed after stealing the slippers of area resident Margaret Mallone.
“I had never heard of this gang,” Mallone tells The Fluffington Post in an exclusive interview. “Then I happened to turn on the news and saw my own backyard on TV. There were police everywhere. That’s when I noticed my slippers were missing.”
Authorities apprehended the trio without incident after receiving an anonymous tip from a neighbor.
“The standoff lasted about an hour,” says sheriff’s deputy John Beck. “At first, they weren’t cooperating, but then officer Sanders shook a bag of treats. They caved pretty soon after that and we scooped them up.”
The Wolf Pact, consisting of Rex (the presumed ringleader), Tango and Clyde, was wanted for a string of similar alleged crimes, including sock chewing and flagrant urination. They will be arraigned individually in Federal court on May 14th, according to officials.
PHOTO OP: Closet Cat
Carolina Husky Can’t Seem to Get Comfortable
The Fluffington Post has confirmed that a South Carolina-based Siberian husky named Juno is having difficulty falling asleep.
“She just can’t seem to get comfortable,” says Alana Baskin, a source close to the situation. “She’s tried both sides of the pillow, curling up in the corner, getting a bowl of water — nothing’s working.”
A number of witnesses have expressed their concern, as Juno has an important presentation at work tomorrow.
“She needs to get some rest so she can bring her A-game,” says Jeff English, a colleague at the State Farm Insurance office in Summerville where Juno works. “The whole finance department is counting on her PowerPoint.”
As of press time, Juno’s eyes were still open.
Submitted by Arden Taylor.
Judge Orders Dog to Warn Others About Dangerous Tail Wagging
After twice knocking the lamp off the table due to excessive and overly excited tail wagging, a judge has ordered Clem the dog to wear a sign warning others of his rambunctious appendage.
“I’m not sure what good it will do,” said Laslo Coyne, who lodged a complaint last week after his iced coffee was nearly knocked off the table by Clem. “I mean, that tail is a menace, and no amount of signage will change that.”
When asked what he thought could protect his future iced coffees, Laslo wasn’t sure.
“Making him an outside dog, maybe? I don’t know,” he mumbled.
PHOTO OP: Bear Family